Shining Light
by jericho2k
Summary: Set after On My Way. Sam delivers a devastating ultimatum to Mercedes forcing her to take a long, hard look at what she is truly afraid of.
1. Driven by you

Disclaimer: Not my property people! Just borrowing them a while :) If you haven't already done so please check out Searching for a Heart by the wonderful Syl...you'll love it!

The inspiration for the title came from Ash's Shining Light.

Chapter one: Driven by You

You know I love you but you drive me crazy  
>'Cos you're saying all the things I want to say to you<br>(You say) Everything I do is driven by you  
>Everything we do, oh yeah, everything we do<br>Everything we do, everything we do  
>Everything we do is driven by you<p>

Driven by You:Brian May

Mercedes Jones got out of her car, heart thumping. Of all the times and neighbourhoods to break down on this was not the one. One minute she had been driving along, coming back from visiting Quinn and thinking about how unfair it was that Quinn still wasn't able to walk the next the car had started shuddering and jolting. She had just entered the seedier part of town, taking the short cut through, rather than driving the long way around the outskirts of town. She pulled the car over to the side of the road and got out, noting the acrid burning smell in the air. Smoke was drifting out from the bonnet and her heart sank. This was _not_ a good place to break down. She gingerly opened the body and was assaulted by a hideous smell. _Oh no this does not look good _she acknowledged, wiping her hands on her jeans. She got back in the car and tried to start the engine but there was a horrendous grinding noise then it refused to even turn over. She wracked her brains trying to remain calm, whilst thinking about which was the best course of action to take. Her father had whisked her mother away and they were celebrating their twentieth wedding anniversary in New York and her brother was at college in California hundreds of miles away so she couldn't call any of them for help. It was starting to get dark, and as she scanned the street she saw a guy on the corner approaching a car which had pulled up leaning in and exchanging packets with the people inside. Great, obviously a drug deal taking place and she was stuck there as a highly conspicuous witness. It was starting to get dark and fear began to flow through her veins. No this was definitely _not _a good place to break down. She grabbed her phone from the passenger seat and quickly dialled the number that she knew would provide her with help out of this situation. Ring, ring, three rings, four, six rings later the call went to voicemail. _Don't panic,_ she instructed herself,_ keep calm and try again. _Three attempts later though, panic was definitely setting in. How stupid was she? The same thing had happened to the car three weeks ago but luckily it had been in the school car park and she had called Shane to help her out._ Although,_ a tiny voice whispered, _you had to stop yourself from calling someone else instead._ After letting the car cool down, it had miraculously restarted. She had been meaning to get Kurt's dad to check it out but with all the drama that had been going on with both Shane and Sam she had clean forgotten and it looked like she was about to pay for that oversight now. There was no way she could call him now, not after what she'd done to him. She knew he would drop everything and help her because at the end of the day Shane was _good people_, but her sense of guilt and fairness would not allow her too. She flicked down the contacts and selected another one, feeling a sense of despair as the rings echoed through the tiny handset. Finally when she was about to hang up, the call connected and a voice came on the line. A voice she would know anywhere, a voice she heard at night in her sleep, a voice she loved to hear more than anything else in the world.

'Hello?' Taken aback Mercedes didn't answer immediately. She hadn't expected it to be _him._ Sure she knew he lived there…but she just hadn't counted with the fact that he might answer the call.

'Hello?' he said again, this time a touch of irritation evident in his voice.

She took a deep breath and said 'Sam…it's me,' A couple of seconds pause then he sighed, the sound echoing down the line.

'Mercedes,' he said flatly and she was horribly aware by the tone in voice that she was the last person in the world he wanted to be speaking to. A sharp pain lodged itself in her chest at the thought and she choked the tears that had rising in her throat back. No calling her Mercy anymore…she was now just Mercedes to him and that thought killed her.

'Is…Kurt there?' she asked, praying he wouldn't hear the way her voice was almost breaking.

'No, he's out somewhere with Blaine,' he told her. 'He's left his cell behind by mistake,'

'Umm well…' her voice had dropped down to a whisper so she cleared her throat and tried again 'Could you ask him to ring me as soon as he gets back? It's kinda urgent…' she supressed a nervous laugh as she looked over her shoulder at the darkening shadows of the street.

'Hey mamacita!' she looked over across the street where a bunch of guys were hanging out, playing about with a basketball. Oh no, please don't let them start on her.

'Dear God no,' she muttered forgetting for a moment she was on the phone with Sam eyes, riveted to the group, watching for any sign they were going to come over.

'Where are you?' Sam asked his tone alert, obviously having heard the cretin in the background.

'You wanna play?' one of the group broke away gesturing at her.

'No, thank you!' she replied firmly.

'Oh come on gordita! You'd really like it,' he smiled flirtatiously at her. Mercedes looked him up and down disdainfully.

'Get lost, you creep,' she raised her voice. If she showed no fear then they might get bored and move on. _Or not_, her mind warned her.

'_Where _the hell are you?' Sam asked again.

'I've broken down. I was on my way back from seeing Quinn and the car kinda started acting weird. So I pulled over… But now the car won't start. I was hoping to get Kurt-'he cut across her.

'Where Mercedes?' and his tone indicated he was not in the mood to argue. She told him and there was a slight pause before the explosion.

'You're in the Adjacent! Are you crazy!' she could tell he was furious. 'Do not move! Get in the car, lock it and do not move! Anything happens you call the cops!'

'Are you going to get Kurt to come?' she asked hopefully, knowing it was foolish to think that he himself might come out and rescue her.

'No, I'm damned well not! I'll be there, just get in the damned car and-'he was saying.

'Epa mami! Ven aca!' She whirled around to face the idiot that just wouldn't stop.

'Do _not_ make me come over there and lay the smack down on your busted ass, boy!' she shouted, just about to go into full Mercedes Jones meltdown. Anger, she told herself, was much better than fear.

'MERCEDES!' Sam shouted down the phone at her.' Do not, I repeat do not front up to that guy! This is the friggin' Adjacent not some nice, safe suburban area! Get in the damned car now! If I find you outside of that car when I get there so help me you won't sit down for a week,' he cut the call and she looked at the phone in shock. Sam had never once raised his voice to her or spoken to her in such a way…she had no doubt he was deadly serious so she contented herself with sending the troublemaker a killer look and proceeded to lock herself in the car.

As the minutes ticked by she tried to steel herself for coming face to face again with Sam, and an angry Sam at that. They hadn't spoken much since Valentine 's Day, every attempt she had made to maintain some semblance of friendship had failed. He refused to look at her in the eyes, in fact refused to speak anything more than hello or goodbye to her and he tried to avoid her even if they were with their friends. She missed him so badly that some days it was all she could do not to bawl her eyes out in the middle of the crowded school corridors. Mercedes bore it stoically though; what exactly could she say? She had brought them to this, by her own stubbornness and stupidity. She should have ended things with Shane as soon as Sam had come back…in fact come to think of it she shouldn't have even started things with him in the first place. Not when she was still in love with Sam. She had broken his heart. She winced as she thought about what Shane had said when she told him about Sam. '_Shit Mercedes! I feel like you've punched me in the heart…What did I ever do to deserve this,_'. The worst thing about it was that he had done nothing,_ nothing_ to deserve it. She had gone along with all his future plans as if on auto-pilot, somehow knowing deep in her heart that he was just a rebound, coming in a very poor second best to the boy she loved with all her heart. She would have spent her life with him secretly imagining what if, secretly longing for someone else. Yes, she had hurt him but what really horrified her was how close she had come to cheating him of the chance to be loved as much as she loved Sam. He deserved to find that kind of breath-taking, soul-shaking, _heart-rending_ love with someone, and she had cheated him from day one knowing that she could never give him that.

She had destroyed nearly everything she had held dear single-handedly and the knowledge proved a bitter pill to swallow. Losing Shane's respect and friendship had been bad enough, but losing Sam's love was quite possibly the worst thing that had ever happened to her. Sometimes she felt Sam staring at her when she wasn't looking but she put that down more to her own imagination because nothing could be any clearer. Sam Evans was done with Mercedes Jones and there was no coming back from that.

The Hudson-Hummel house was quiet for a change, all the occupants seemingly having an elsewhere to be. Burt was still at the garage, Carol was at her weekly zumba class, Kurt off with Blaine somewhere and Finn had taken Rachel to Breadstix. Sam was left in the house by himself, just him and his guitar and a whole lot of painful thoughts. He sat on his bed, strumming mindlessly, staring off into space as he tried to block out the only person who kept featuring in them. Mercedes. He sighed as he thought about her and he removed the guitar strap from his neck and laid the instrument down on the bed. Things were so messed up at the moment and he didn't know what to do. All he did know was that he'd come back, fought so hard for her and had failed spectacularly. Valentine 's Day had probably been the worst day of his life so far, even topping the day his father lost his job and their house was repossessed. She had stood in front of him, telling him that although she loved him she couldn't be with him. _Why? Why can't you just let me love you,_ his heart had cried out but one look at her face had told him she wasn't going to change her mind. The song she had sung later in Glee club had been his undoing. She sang from the heart, bravely and strongly and even though he could see the heartbreak in her eyes she shone brightly, like the star she truly was. He closed his eye as the memory took over and when he opened them again his eyes were wet. He rarely allowed himself to replay the memory because each time he did it _broke_ him and he feared the heartbreak was so overwhelming it would pull him under completely. He pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingers and took a deep breath, trying to regain some kind of control.

'Come on Sammy…buck the hell up,' he muttered under his breath. 'You knew what the stakes were and you played and lost,' And there it was, the thought that crucified him daily. He had come back swinging into McKinley, determined to get Mercy back, no matter what the cost and that had proved to be his downfall. The cost had been Mercy's guilt and his heart and he knew they were both paying the steep levy. His train of thought was cut off by the ringing of a phone. It rang off them immediately started ringing again. When it rang a third time he got up and went in search of the sound. He cocked his head to one side, ascertaining the sound was coming from downstairs. He descended the stairs following the ringing into the kitchen. There, on the counter was Kurt's cell phone. Sam glanced at it, his heart stuttering to a stop when he saw the caller id. Mercy-me. Mercedes. She was obviously trying to ring Kurt, but her best friend had left his phone by mistake. The phone rang off in the next instant and he released a breath he didn't know he had been holding. Even her name on the small screen of the cell affected him profoundly, and he wondered for the thousandth time since he'd come back whether it was always going to be like this. The shrill tone of the house phone cut through the silence and he strode into the den to pick it up, the breath leaving his body as though he had been punched when he heard who it was on the other end of the line. As she talked and replied to his questions his brain kept repeating only one thing…_she was in the fucking Adjacent!_ Remembering Santana's outburst at Nationals when she had screamed at Rachel his heart pounded in fear.' _Sabes lo que pasa en Lima Heights Adjacent? Cosas malas!' _Sam knew enough Spanish to be able to make a reasonable translation of her words. Certainly he knew, as they all did that bad things happened at sundown in that neighbourhood. Hanging up the phone, he didn't even stop to grab a jacket, just swept his keys off the entrance hall's table into his hands and ran to his truck, his sole focus was on getting to the girl he was madly, hopelessly, irreparably in love with.

Mercedes saw the heavens open and heard raindrops pelting the car's roof and windows and wondered if this day could get any worse. The guys who had harassed her were still on the street although they hadn't turned their attention back to her yet, a fact for which she was thankful. She saw the headlights of Sam's truck cutting through the twilight gloom before she was actually able to make the truck itself. Sighing in relief, she got out of the car and waited for him to park. Her heart had started pounding heavily, almost making her feel ill, and her palms were sweating. She hastily wiped them down the legs of her jeans and tried to stand straight, head held high, even as the rain lashed at her, soaking her to the skin.

Sam parked the truck just in front of Mercedes car and got out, gasping slightly at the force of the driving rain. He saw Mercedes standing over to the side of the car, completely soaked and relief flooded through his system followed by a feeling of white-hot anger. 'Hey man!' he looked across the street at a bunch of guys, playing basketball in the street, apparently unconcerned by the rain. 'She your girl?' one of them asked. This must be the guy he had heard in the background during his conversation with Mercedes. He inclined his head slightly.

'She a real handful, man,' the guy said flashing him a smile.

'You have no idea,' Sam replied with biting irony before walking around to face Mercedes.

'Are you ok?' he asked biting down hard on his lip to keep for shouting at her. Was she crazy? Or was she just trying to drive him crazy?

'I'm ok,' she said twisting the ring on her finger, nervously. He held out his hand, silently requesting the key and she handed it to him wordlessly.

'Get in the truck, Mercedes,' he instructed her tersely.

'But-'she began to argue then stopped as her cut across her.

'Get in the truck, _now,_' his voice dripped icicles and she shivered in reaction. He was very, very angry, she acknowledged and she looked down at his clenched fists, the only visible clue that he was struggling to contain his anger. In fact he was furious, and the deadly quiet tone of his voice let her know just how angry he truly was. Without a word, she turned on her heel and climbed into the truck. Five minutes later he got into the driver's seat tossed her the keys and said 'I'm calling Burt. They're going to have to tow it.' And with that pulled his cell phone, dialling Kurt's dad.

'I can't leave it here!' She cried, imagining what could happen to her car if she left it for any amount of time in such a place. He levelled a fulminating look at her whilst he waited for the call to connect.

'Yes you are. You are _not_ staying here with that car,'

'But-'

'That's my final word on the subject. Deal with it,' he told her firmly as she gaped at him. Mercedes had a nasty feeling she had underestimated Sam all this time. She had always thought of him as being somewhat of a pushover, easy-going and slow to anger but she suddenly realised she had just grabbed a sleeping tiger by its tail…and there was nowhere to run.

Oh-oh should have joined a breakdown service Mercedes! Thanks to all of you guys who reviewed Homeless and Coming back to what you know...love y'all!


	2. Starlight

Disclaimer: Don't own them so don't sue

Inspiration for this chapter came from Muse's brilliant Starlight…

Starlight

I will be chasing the starlight  
>Until the end of my life<br>I don't know if it's worth it anymore

Hold you in my arms  
>I just wanted to hold<br>You in my arms

My life  
>You electrify my life<br>Let's conspire to ignite  
>All the souls that would die just to feel alive<p>

But I'll never let you go  
>If you promised not to fade away<br>Never fade away

Our hopes and expectations  
>Black holes and revelations<br>Our hopes and expectations  
>Black holes and revelations <p>

_*Flashback*_

_Sam Evans had just finished his shift delivering pizza and was heading back to his truck. He climbed into the driver's seat, grimacing at the overwhelming odour of pizza that seemed to be coming from everywhere including his own body. Closing his eyes he released a deep breath as he thought of happier times when his father had still had a job, his family still had a house and he himself had been carefree and unburdened by worry. Back then nothing had seemed to matter beyond making the football team or dating the most popular girl in school. The strange thing was that although most people would have thought he would have given anything to go back to that time in his life, Sam himself knew different. He bit he bottom lip as a smile of pure joy spread across his face as he thought of the reason why. Back then he had merely been playing a part, hiding part of himself just to achieve popularity. Back then he dated girls that only had ever really thought about themselves and their looks…leaving him coming in a very poor third. He had not been truly happy…not until a force of nature by the name of Mercedes Jones had come storming in his life and had finally taught him what it felt like to finally love someone crazily, unconditionally, with your entire soul, in spite of or maybe because of their faults, because of the uniqueness that made them who they were. From the moment he had held her in his arms at Prom, as they danced to Rachel's song, he had known that she was his everything and for always...it had just needed him to convince her of the fact. He had struck it lucky, he acknowledged, even if she insisted that they should keep what they had together as secret for a little while longer. Sam knew she was unsure about what was between them, unused to sharing her thoughts and self with another person, but Sam knew better. Sam knew this was forever, even if she didn't yet, and although he longed to walk in hand down the street and in school hallways and kiss her wherever, whenever he wanted he knew he had to give her time in which she could finally come to the same realisation as he had. Of course, he had never told her this, not yet…he didn't want to send her running in the other direction for a restraining order. Mercedes came across as being fierce, loyal, strong and a survivor and she was all those things he knew, but she was also vulnerable, sensitive and unsure at times even if she hid it from the world. It was getting harder though not to tell her how much he loved her and he could only wonder that she had not yet figured it out for herself. It was in the way he held her hand, in the way he looked at her, the way he touched her, the way his eyes immediately sought her out in a crowded place, the smile that he couldn't hold back as soon as he heard her name…it shone out from every pore in his being and yet she still remained clueless._

_His cell rang cutting abruptly into his thoughts and he glanced down at the cell, his heart skipping a beat as he saw her name flash up on the screen, a big, goofy grin spreading across his face._

'_Hey, babe,' he greeted her warmly. 'You ok?'_

'_I'm good…just thought I should check up on my MIA boyfriend,' Mercedes said and Sam could hear the hint of a smile in her voice._

'_Sorry, had to work a double shift….what are you up to?' _

'_Nothing much…just finished watching an entire season of Doctor Who….' She teased._

'_No, that's so unfair,' he groaned, wishing more than anything he could have been there watching with her._

'_I'm teasing you Sammy. I'm so bored I'm reading some my mom's horrendous celebrity gossip magazines,' she giggled sweetly._

'_So nothing much then?' he asked hopefully. _

'_Nope, although Kurt and Blaine wanted to drag me along like a third wheel on their movie date, ugh. I love them but there's only so much making out I can be forced to watch in a darkened theatre before I have to put my own eyes out,' she said sighing._

'_Well why don't you come and make out with your incredibly charming and handsome boyfriend instead?' _

'_Wait…I have one of those? Why didn't someone tell me? I would've called him instead,' she joked._

'_Touché, woman, touché.' he said drily. 'So how about it?'_

'_Well…I do have to finish reading a particularly gripping celebrity pregnancy scandal story…'she trailed off , teasing him again. _

'_Bring it along,' he cajoled. 'We could go for a midnight chill in the park,'_

'_Midnight? Its only eight o clock, Sam,'_

'_You know what I mean. So you in or not?'_

'_Well when you put it that way, how could I refuse?'_

'_Ok well I need to go home and change-'_

'_Don't bother, it's not like anyone's going to see us,' she snickered._

'_I smell of pizza, Mercy,'_

'_Don't care. Like you and pizza. Although I'm not sure which I like more…'_

'_Ha-ha, cute. I'll be there in fifteen. Lo-'Sam had to bit his lip to keep from uttering the last two words. Love you. He did so much and one day soon, he'd be able to tell her exactly how he felt, he just had to be patient._

_Sam watched Mercedes scrunch her nose up at a particularly ridiculous story she was currently reading in a celebrity gossip magazine, whilst lying on her stomach on the blanket they had taken to the park. The stars were shining brightly in the night sky above them and the air was pleasantly warm. He dropped a kiss on her shoulder and burrowed his face in the curve of her neck, taking a deep breath to inhale her unique scent. Mercedes' iPhone lay on the blanket, soft strains of music emanating from it into the night air. She was humming to the music under her breath and her feet were tapping together to the rhythm._

'_You're amazing,' he blurted out cursing himself for his lack of subtlety when she turned to look at him and then immediately ducked her head. He sighed as he saw her reaction to what he had said. It was the same reaction he got whenever he said anything like that and he hated it. She always looked away, like she didn't quite believe he meant it and was just humouring him._

'_Umm, thanks,' she said sitting up and fiddling with her hands on her lap._

'_Mercedes look at me' he instructed, finally tired of the same old scene playing out again and again. Normally he wouldn't press the issue any further, but tonight he was fed up with it and he was damned if he was going to let it go. She turned her gaze towards him but it landed somewhere around his chest area and he cupped her chin with his hand, lifting her head so that her eyes met his._

'_No, don't look at my chest Mercy, look at _me_.' He saw vulnerability in the depths of her brown orbs and took a deep breath._

'_I've played by your rules, Mercy,' he began, noticing as she stiffened at his words 'I've agreed much against my better judgement to keep things on the down low and I've tried not to crowd you. But I'm done with this nonsense. Every time I try to tell you how awesome you are, or what you mean to me, you brush me off. I've had enough and you are going to listen,' he finished not letting her pull back when she tried to put some distance between them. His arms closed tightly around her, imprisoning her in his embrace._

'_When we go back to school after the summer break I'm gonna walk down the hallways holding your hand, I'm going to walk you to class, we'll have lunch together and you're going to come and cheer me on at football matches. We are _not_ going to hide and I'm damned if I'm not going to let everyone see that I'm proud of you,' _

'_Sam-'_

'_No, you don't get to talk. It's my turn. You're amazing, Mercy and I'm not going to give any of those douchebags at that school the opportunity to even think they have a chance with you. You light up my life. You're beautiful, fierce and loyal and I'm so damned lucky to have you. I don't know how to get you to understand that but it's the truth. You make my life better just by being in it, hell you make me want to try harder, work harder and be more than I am just for you. You have my solemn promise here and now that no matter what happens I will always fight for you, for us.' He saw tears welling in her eyes and he pressed a kiss to her forehead before continuing. 'I love you, Mercy' he heard the gasp that left her lips at his words and forged on ahead regardless 'I_ love_ you. There I said it.,' he rocked back on his heels as he watched her process the words he had just told her._

'_Sam, I don't know…what…' she trailed off, tears spilling down her cheek._

'_You don't need to say it back. I just want you to know how I feel…How I'll always feel,'_

'_Always?' she asked surprise evident in her tone._

'_Always.' He laughed nervously. 'You've ruined me for anyone else, Mercy so it's always going to be you,'_

'_But I'm not-'she stopped dragging in a breath._

'_You're not?' he prompted her._

'_I'm not like the girls you've dated before,' she whispered finally. Sam gave her a brilliant smile._

'_Thank God you're not!' he sobered up before saying 'and that's why I love you. There is no way they could match up to you. Can't you see that? Can't you feel how much I love you?' Mercedes looked down, suddenly finding the ground very interesting. He moved closer again wrapping his arms around her, pulling her close to lay her head on his chest, over the place where his heart lay._

'_See? Do you feel how fast its beating?' he asked her as her tears soaked through his T-shirt. 'It beats for you Mercy, and I don't care how dorky or corny that sounds,' he said with a grin._

'_You really mean it, don't you,' she looked up at him, biting the corner of her lip._

_His eyes darkened as they followed her action and he closed the scant distance between them, lowering his head and bringing his lips to hover over hers for an infinitesimal second before kissing her gently._

'_Of course I do. I don't play games with feelings, Mercy. I love you, adore you and if you even feel one tenth of what I feel for you for me then we are going to be awesome together,'_

'_One tenth?' she asked hesitantly. He nodded his head, caressing her cheek as she said in a rush 'how about ten tenths then?' Her words meaning of her words dawned on him slowly and his eyes held a stunned kind of light before he tackled her down onto the blanket, kissing her cheeks, forehead, earlobes anywhere he could before running his tongue along her lips. She sighed and he took the opportunity to slide his tongue inside, kissing her with all the love he had held back from fear of scaring her away. Her hands wound around his neck and slid into the blonde locks at the nape of his neck._

'_You need a haircut,' she said smiling and he burst out laughing at the incongruous statement coming after all the emotion they had just shared._

'_I know, babe,' his ears picked up the melody of Muse's Starlight echoing into the night from the iPhone's tiny speaker. He stood up pulling her with beginning to twirl her around, making her laugh in delight as he sang along…'_ _My life, you electrify my life, let's conspire to ignite…' on the word he dipped her and she giggled at his antics before he brought her back up and spun her out. 'All the souls that would die just to feel alive….' As they turned his foot caught the edge of the blanket he fell backwards onto the grass tugging her down on top of him laughing._

'_You're a dork!' she said, smiling as she tried to move off him. He held her fast though, not letting her up, content to hold her like that forever._

'_Yes I am but you love me anyway,' he said smiling goofily._

'_Damn straight I do,' she confessed, dimples appearing in her cheeks as she beamed down at him._

'_The feeling's entirely mutual,' he said tickling her while she shrieked with laughter. She was up and off in a flash and he leapt up giving chase, their laughter echoing through the night air. For a moment in time he was not Sam Evans, the homeless kid or Sam Evans the responsible big brother or any of the other things he had become since his father lost his job, but Sam Evans who was in love with an awesome girl who had somehow, miraculously fallen in love with him too. Life was indeed good._


	3. Alltime Low

Chapter 3 An All-time Low

Disclaimer: Not my babies unfortunately….

Song is All-time Low by The Wanted

Praying Won't Do It  
>Hating Won't Do It<br>Drinking Won't Do It  
>Fighting Won't Knock You Out<br>Of My Head

Hiding Won't Hide It  
>Smiling Won't Hide It<br>Like I Ain't Tried It  
>Everyone's Tried It Now<p>

And Failed Somehow

So When You Gonna Let Me  
>When You Gonna Let Me Out – Out<p>

And If You Know  
>How Do You Get Up From An All Time Low<br>I'm In Pieces  
>Seems Like Peace Is<br>The Only Thing I'll Never Know  
>How Do You Get Up<p>

Get Up

Cos Driving Won't Do It  
>Flying Won't Do It<br>Denying Won't Do It  
>Crying Won't Drown It Out<p>

What You Said

When I'm Standing On The Yellow Line  
>Waiting At The Station<br>Or I'm Late For Work  
>A Vital Presentation<br>If You Call Me Now Girl  
>Without Reservation<br>I Would Try To Break Through

But If You Know  
>How Do You Get Up From An All Time Low<br>I'm In Pieces  
>It Seems Like Peace Is<br>The Only Thing I Never Know  
>How Do You Get Up From An All Time Low<br>I Can't Even Find A Place To Start  
>How Do I Choose Between My Head And Heart<br>Till It Ceases I Never Know  
>How Do You Get Up From An All Time Low<p>

Mercedes watched Sam warily from the corner of her eye as he finished the conversation with Burt. From what she could tell Kurt's dad was going to load her car onto a breakdown truck and get it to his garage. Her hands drummed a nervous tattoo on her knee, this was the first time she had been alone with him in so long and for some reason a feeling of dread was slowly overtaking her. Perhaps it was the fact that she knew he was livid but her subconscious just _knew_ that he wasn't about to let things between them lie.

'Burt's coming for the car. He'll be here in fifteen minutes,' he told her, his jaw clenching, as though he were holding back from adding something else.

'Ok, so I'll wait here for here,' she tried to sound assertive but winced at the hesitant tone that came out.

'_We_ will wait here for him,' he told her through his teeth. He wasn't looking at her but straight out of the windscreen at the pouring rain. They sat in silence for the next fifteen minutes, neither looking at each other, the air so tense a knife could have gone through it.

'Sam-'she started on a firmer note, intending to take charge of the situation once and for all, intending to make him aware that she was _not _a little girl and was quite capable of looking after herself when he cut her off.

'_Don't,_' it was one word, delivered in a deadly tone. Mercedes thought it would have been better if he had shouted and she bit her lip. He opened his door and stepped into the rain. _Probably prefers to get soaked in the rain than to sit in here with me_, she thought miserably. Seconds later the door to the back of the truck was wrenched open and he was rummaging around for something .The next thing she knew he was back in the drivers' seat and thrusting a towel into her hands.

'Here, dry yourself,' it didn't seem to be a request. Mercedes felt the towel's softness in her hands and inexplicably tears sprang to her eyes. She tried to hand it back but he pushed it away, irritated.

'But what about you?' she asked softly.

'I'll be fine,' he answered shortly, again not looking at her.

'You're soaked,' she said again trying to hand it back to him. He did look at her then and she saw the anger that was still simmering just below the surface reflecting at her from his green eyes.

'It's a spare for swim practice. It's clean. It has not touched my skin so you don't have to worry,' he spat the words at her. Is that what he thought? That she didn't want to use it because….she thought in horror. _No, no, no Sam, you've got it wrong_ she wanted to say but she sat frozen for a second.

'That is why you don't want to use it isn't it?' he continued angrily.

'Sam don't be so ridiculous,' she began to say, truly upset that he would even think that she would not want to use it because it was his.

'Leave it,' Mercedes held her breath willing herself not to cry. Never had he spoken to her like that and it hurt like hell. She saw the lights of the approaching truck in the distance as Sam jumped down from the truck. Moments later the truck stopped and Burt got out. She watched as Sam approached him, handing him her keys and speaking rapidly to him. Burt crossed over to her side of the truck and opened the door.

'Don't worry, sweetheart. I've got this,' he said hugging her. Mercedes closed her eyes as she felt the comfort she had so sorely needed around her. Though she would rather die than admit it, she had felt like bawling her eyes for her parents.

'Hey, its ok, I'll have the car fixed in no time,' Kurt's dad told his son's best friend, seeing the glimmer of tears in her eyes. 'You go on home with Sam and I'll sort the rest out,'

Sam hopped into his seat, glancing across at them catching Burt's eye.

'You sure you don't need help?'

'No, son. Just get her home safely' Burt said with a smile, shutting Mercedes' door.

'No problem,' they watched in silence as Burt strode back to the breakdown truck. Sam started the engine and pulled off, heading out of the god forsaken neighbourhood. Her erstwhile admirer was shouting something out at her and she contented herself with glaring at him murderously.

Mercedes sat quietly, aware of every excruciating and agonizing minute that passed by and she could only pray that they got to her house quickly before she completely humiliated herself by bursting into tears. The knowledge that he thought she didn't want to use the towel because it had touched him was eating at her inside, flaying her alive. Her innate sense of fairness told her that she couldn't let it go, not without trying to explain…she couldn't stand to let him think that.

'Sam, about earlier-'she began slowly.

'Forget it,' he said overriding her. Mercedes felt the slow lick of anger start to burn deep in her chest.

'What the hell is wrong with you?' she hissed, fed up of the attitude he was doling out.

'What the hell is wrong with _me? _He repeated furiously. He brought the truck to a standstill beside the curb.

'I don't know-'She stopped mid-sentence, jumping in shock as he hit the steering wheel with his fist.

'There's so many fucking things that I don't know where to start!' he yelled at her, green eyes vitriolic. 'What the fuck were you thinking? You know about that neighbourhood for Christ's sake,'

'It's not my fault the car broke down,' she retorted equally furious._ How dare he, _she thought angrily.

'And then your epic stupidity at fronting to those guys! What did I tell you about waiting in the car for me? But no…Mercedes Jones can't follow simple instructions! Are you crazy or just plain stupid?'

'Hell no! Don't you _dare_ call me stupid! I did wait in the car most of the time! Just because I won't sit there and let some douchebags –'He cut her off shouting at her

'Do you have a fucking clue about what they could have done to you?'

'For God's sake Sam, anyone would think I was five not seventeen,' she replied acerbically. She saw the anger blazing out of his eyes and thought_ he's good and pissed now…well good because that makes two of us!_

'Five, seventeen, fifty-seven…I don't give a damn!' he shouted at her. She snorted in annoyance and turned her head away from him, from the conversation, from the rage that was threatening to overwhelm her. It was strange to think that this had been the most alive that she had felt since Valentine 's Day and they were shouting at each other, the air electric with fury.

'We're not finished yet,' he said, livid that she was trying to dismiss him.

'Oh yes we are!' She couldn't stand it any longer, she decided wrenching the door open and escaping the truck. She started to run in the pouring rain, not knowing where she was going, not caring either just wanting to get away. She heard Sam behind her running and she sped up even though she knew it was hopeless. She was never going to be able to outrun him. Her breath was tearing at her lungs but she refused to slow her pace. Arms closed about her from behind, arms that she would know anywhere, arms that she had dreamt of being held in for so long, stopped her flight and spun her around to face Sam.

'Let me go!' she all but shrieked, pushing at him hard but he would not break his hold.

'Why? So you can run away like you always do?' he spat at her angrily.

'Screw you! You have no right…' she howled at him.

'I have every right, Mercedes. Every right! All I ever seem to do is watch you walk away from me and I'm done with it. I'm going to say everything I damned well should have from the beginning and you are going to listen-' she stiffened and he tightened his hold on her shaking her slightly, the action's gentleness a sharp contrast to the fury in his tone. She wrenched her arms free and clamped them over her ears, not wanting to hear any more from him. She didn't want to hear it, dear God because she knew it would destroy her. His hands wrapped around hers and pulled them down from her ears holding them prisoner.

'So June, Mercy?' he hissed in rage 'So fucking June?' There it was at last. He'd called her Mercy finally and the way he said it almost broke her completely. 'How could you! I watched that video over and over again on YouTube. Do you know that? Cocoa babies? Are you shitting me? I was fucking working my ass off in a strip joint trying to somehow get my life together, and what do I see? The love of my life calling me so June and planning to have _cocoa _babies with some other guy!'

A wave of shame washed over Mercedes. She had never thought that Sam would see that video, she had only said what she had to get Jacob to shut up about Sam. It had hurt her to hear his name and to know that despite their attempts to keep their relationship secret, it had been broadcast over Twitter and she hadn't been able to face the thought that everyone would ask her questions about it. Hell, it had hurt so much to even _think_ about him so she had done the unthinkable and had refused to acknowledge him or what they had meant to each other. It was her only defence mechanism and her only way to survive and she had buried all her hopes, dreams and memories of him down inside the bottom of her soul in an attempt to mend the pieces of her broken heart. _What a waste of time that was, wasn't it Mercedes, _a nagging little voice inside her mind said. It had all been a complete and utter waste of time because no matter how far away he was, or how hard she tried to forget him, her poor heart had remained shattered. The most awful thing about it was that she had used Shane in her quest to heal herself, without real thought or care and she had broken Sam's heart in the process.

'I came back for you;' he continued 'I came back for you, nothing else. Even after you refused any contact with me when I left. Do you have any clue of how I felt when you stood there and told me that what we had was a summer fling? Do you? But there was no way I was going to admit defeat. No way! You couldn't even look at me!'

'I was with another guy Sam! He had supported me when no one else did, he believed in me and he was there for me. I owed him my loyalty-' she tried to explain.

'Bullshit! Nowhere in your words do I hear that you loved him…you say you owed him loyalty? But did you love him, Mercy?'

'I'm not discussing this with you,' she refused to look at him.

'You will look at me! You owe me the truth Mercy! _Did you love him?_' he repeated forcefully.

'No,' she whispered shamefaced.

'I can't hear you,' he taunted her.

'No! I didn't love him! Is that what you wanted to hear? That I'm such a bad person?' she screamed at him.

'So now we get to the truth, finally,' he jeered at her. Tears streamed down her face unheeded. Her heart was breaking all over again and she didn't think she could survive it this time.

'Leave me alone, Sam. You've got what you wanted haven't you? You've made me admit that I didn't love Shane, you've made me cry, you've _hurt_ me, what more could you possibly want?'

'Have you any idea what it's been like for me?' he asked taking a deep breath. 'Try putting yourself in my shoes, Mercy. You are all I've thought about ever since I left. I came back, leaving my family behind, because _you_ were here. Did you really think I gave a rat's ass about sectionals? You were main reason I came back. Those videos on youtube nearly killed me. How would you have felt if it had been the other way around?'

It would have killed her, destroyed her entire soul if it had been the other way around. She had glossed over the hurt she had caused Sam in her own mind because he had never let her see it, but she was faced with it now and she couldn't escape the hurt, the devastation, the sheer heartbreak she could see in his eyes. She had caused it, and that was something else she would have to live with.

'Sam-'she tried to speak but the lump in her throat wouldn't let her and she stared at him miserably, completely unable to defend herself.

He sighed heavily ' Do you know what it felt like coming back and hearing from Quinn that Shane had a scholarship to Ohio state? Do you know how unworthy I felt? I was soiled goods for Christ's sake! I stripped, Mercy, _stripped_…I was damaged…I thought you'd be ashamed of me'

'No Sam! Please believe that, I would have never held that against you,' she said tearfully. '_Never._ You did what you had to do for your family and I would never be ashamed of you,'

'And there you were with your football scholarship boyfriend, planning to win Grammies and have cocoa babies…' he closed his eyes and continued as if she hadn't spoken.

'I tried so hard to make you proud, Mercy. I thought a letterman jacket would help. I thought joining the God squad would make a difference. Hell, I even attended that nightmare of a counselling session with Ms Pillsbury with you! Nothing I did made a single difference!' he shook his head wearily.

'I don't know what to say,' she whispered heartsick.

'I'm tired, Mercy. I'm tired of this pushing and pulling. I let you go on Valentine's day even though it killed me and it's done me no favours. I'm done pulling my punches when it comes to you. I'm tired of being broken hearted, of never being _enough_ for you. To be honest Mercy, I'm just plain tired.'

The rain was easing now and although they were both soaked to the skin, neither one noticed. They just stood there both hurting, their hearts battered and bruised but somehow still beating although neither one knew how.

'I'm going back to Kentucky,' he told her finally.

She gasped, felt the blood draining out of her face. 'No Sam-'

'Unless you can give me something to stay here for, I'm going back.'

'_What?'_

'I can't sit back and watch you take up with another Shane, it would kill me. I know I haven't got a lot to offer you, but I still love you just as much if not more than I did before, Mercy. I'm just not strong enough to go through this again. I'm human just as much as the next guy and I have to think of my welfare as well as yours. This is soul destroying and I can't keep doing it,'

'What do you want me to say Sam? I need time-'she tried to explain, panic licking its course nastily up her spine.

'No you don't. You don't need time. You love me, you said so and I think it was the only true thing you said in all the bullshit you tried to get me to believe. I was never so June and there was never going to be any cocoa babies. You loving me would have made it impossible. Sooner or later you would have ended up breaking up with Shane. You're pushing me away because you're scared. Because I can make you feel in a way that Shane would never be able to. I make you lose control and you don't like that.' The look on his face dared her to deny it.

'You're trying to blackmail me!' she exploded.

'What are you so afraid of? Me? Or yourself?' he challenged her. 'Either way, I'm going back unless you can face your fear and give us a chance,'

'You don't love me! If you did you wouldn't do this!' she was lashing out she knew, but she felt cornered and she just wanted to run away from it all. It was too much, _he _made her feel too much and she wanted out.

'It's because I love you I'm doing this, Mercy. If we leave things as they are and you're too scared to even try to be with me then sooner or later another Shane will come along. Finn and Kurt both say if you love something you have to let it go or some such shit like that, but I know that if I'm still around I wouldn't be able to stand by and watch you with another guy. I wouldn't let you move on. So if you can't be with me, it's better that I'm gone. So that you can move on with your life' His eyes were sad but determined and she knew that there was nothing she could say to make him change his mind.

'Sam, please don't do this,' she whispered, throat tight with hurt and misery.

'I'm sorry Mercy. It's up to you now. Think about your choice because if it's the wrong one you're going to end up driving us both crazy,' he reached out a hand as if to brush the tears on her cheeks away, but pulled his hand back as if he's thought better off it. _Touch me, please, _her heart begged even as he ran a hand through his blonde hair and turned away back towards the truck.

_What if I can't do this _she thought despairingly? _What if I can't be brave again?_ Then she would lose him and this time for good that much was clear. Head down she trudged towards towards the truck feeling more alone than she ever had before.

Sam sat in his truck, outside the Hummel-Hudson house staring unseeingly out of the window, the radio playing softly.. He had lost it with Mercedes in a way that he hadn't done with anybody in years. He'd let all his hurt, his jealously, his anger pour down on her head and he was not proud of what he had done. Her tears and hurt had almost undone him and he had almost begged to be able to take the words he had said back. But they were long overdue and they had to be said, even though it broke his already shattered heart to do so. How many times can a heart break, he wondered, surely he must be a world record holder by now. He loved her so much, that he couldn't even begin to express the extent of what he felt to her in words. He had issued her an ultimatum and now he knew that if she chose not to be with him, he would have to honour it. He meant every word he had said to her; it would kill him to see her with someone else and Sam was done being a masochist. He had to heal and allow her to heal and if they couldn't do it together, then he had no choice but to leave. Rubbing a hand over his face, he was surprised to find his cheeks were wet with tears. His ears caught the lyrics of the song currently playing through the radio…and he smiled at its irony. '_And if you know, how do you get up from an all-time low…I'm in pieces, it seems like peace is the only thing I'll never know….how do you get up from an all-time low…' _It was apt he supposed, because tonight Sam Evans had finally hit his all-time low and he had no idea how exactly he was going to get back up again.


	4. Cannonball

Hey guys, thanks for the reviews! Please check out my friend Syl's amazing Searching for a Heart 2nd chapter is now up…was a pleasure translating it

Song is Cannonball by the extremely sexy and gorgeous Damian Rice

Disclaimer: I don't own them….unfortunately!

Cannonball

There's still a little bit of your taste  
>in my mouth<br>There's still a little bit of you laced  
>with my doubt<br>it's still a little hard to say

what's going on

There's still a little bit of your ghost  
>your weakness<br>There's still a little bit of your face  
>I haven't kissed<br>You step a little closer each day  
>and I can't say what's going on<p>

(Chorus)  
>Stones taught me to fly<br>Love, it taught me to lie  
>Life, it taught me to die<br>So it's not hard to fall  
>when you float like a cannonball<p>

There's still a little bit of your song  
>in my ear<br>There's still a little bit of your words  
>I long to hear<br>You step a little closer to me  
>So close that I can't see what's going on..<p>

And stones, taught me to fly  
>Love, it taught me to lie<br>Life taught me to die  
>So it's not hard to fall<br>When you float like a cannon..  
>Stones taught me to fly<br>Love, it taught me to cry  
>So come on courage<br>Teach me to be shy  
>Cause it's not hard to fall<br>And I don't want to scare her  
>It's not hard to fall<br>And I don't want to lose  
>It's not hard to grow<br>When you know that you just..don't know

'You said _what_ to her!' Sam winced as Quinn fixed him with an outraged stare. 'Have you lost your mind?' Sam asked himself for the hundredth time why he had though confiding in her would be a good idea. He had thought visiting Quinn would take his mind off what had occurred between him and Mercy, but no sooner had he gotten there, she had taken one look at his face and known something was wrong. She had cajoled and pestered him until he finally told her exactly what his problem was.

'She left me no choice!' he said thrusting a hand through his hair agitatedly. He didn't want to hear that he was in the wrong dammit! He was tired of walking on eggshells around Mercedes, of feeling like he was fighting a near impossible war and he wasn't going to apologise for finally confronting her.

'You had a choice, Sam! You could have let her have the time she needed!' Quinn shot back, arms crossed, leaning forward in her wheelchair.

'It wouldn't have mattered how much time I gave her, it wouldn't have made a difference. She's scared Quinn!' The knowledge that she was scared, only served to make Sam even more hurt and angry than he already was. Didn't she know by now that he'd rather cut off his right arm than hurt her? He missed her so much; he couldn't find the words for the emptiness that consumed him at the thought of never holding her again. He _missed_ her, more than he missed his family, more than he had missed his friends and he knew that no matter how far apart they were he would go on missing her for the rest of his life. He couldn't forget the feel of her skin or the taste her lips or how her small hand felt enveloped by his larger one. He couldn't forget the way she laughed at his dorky jokes or rolled her eyes at his impressions struggling to hold a smile back. He couldn't forget late night picnics or movie marathons ,or star gazing in her backyard or watching those awful Spanish telenovelas which they couldn't understand a word of but made their own versions up anyway, or riding on that tilt-a-whirl at the carnival. He couldn't forget her…..

'Right and you threatening to go back to Kentucky is going to suddenly make her _not _scared,' she said with her usual brand of sarcasm.

'What the hell am I supposed to do Quinn! Tell me please, because if you've got any better ideas I'd love to know,' he hissed exasperated.

Quinn shook her head sadly. It was a lesson in humility, she supposed, to watch how the boy she had cheated on and lost had finally fallen irreparably, completely, soul-shakingly in love with Mercedes. What he had once felt for _her_ paled into insignificance compared to the way he loved Mercy. Then again, Mercy was everything she wasn't; generous, loving, kind and full of the joy of living and it would never cross her mind to try to change him or ever cheat on him the way she had done. She felt for him, she really did because in spite of it all, when all was said and done, Sam was one of the few people you could rely on to be a true friend and he deserved to be happy. But she was worried. Mercy was her girl; she had been there through one of the darkest times in Quinn's life, shining like a beacon guiding her through the mire that her life had become. Her heart ached for Sam but it _broke_ for Mercedes.

'Sam, you can't just _demand_-'she began more calmly but her cut her off.

'I know that! I know! This is killing me Quinn! I can't go on like this…I can't see her every day and go on not speaking to her, not kissing or touching her. I hate not being able to walk her to her classes, or not having lunch with her in the quad, or sitting next to her in the choir room or making her laugh because I don't have that right. Because she won't give me that right,' he tried to explain to her. Quinn could see the glimmer of unshed tears in his eyes and she wheeled herself forward to grab his hand.

'I know Sam, but would you really be able to go back to Kentucky after all this?'

'It would kill me. But I owe it to her…and to myself. I wouldn't let her move on. I know that. I'd be crowding her, pushing her constantly. I wouldn't be able to help it and if she dated another guy…' he trailed off. 'I need to heal, Quinn. I need to somehow try to glue the pieces of my life back together as best I can….and I can't do it here, like this.'

'What have Finn and Kurt said about this?' Quinn sighed.

'All Finn keeps saying is to keep fighting for her…and Kurt says he won't get involved and he won't take sides and really I can't expect him to, he's her best friend,' Sam shrugged helplessly.

'Some best friend,' Quinn snorted under her breath, having seen how Kurt abandoned Mercedes for Rachel for some time now. She herself had gone off the tracks, when Shelby came back with Beth and she had ditched her friend too but she had finally realised what was important and had been trying to rebuild her friendships ever since.

'If you really think that this is the best idea…' the blaring note of doubt in Quinn's voice let him know that she really didn't think it was. 'For what it's worth, I know Mercedes and if she's scared as you say she is, she won't react well to you giving her ultimatums. She'll stick her head in the sand…' she shook her head.

'She loves me, she said so on Valentine's Day; that has to count for something,' he said doggedly. 'She knows I love her…I told her so…I just don't know what she's so scared of! It's not just her that loses control…it's me too…doesn't she realise that? That by just loving her I'm opening myself to be hurt and that my happiness is no longer in my own hands but hers?'

Quinn thought about what he had said for a couple of seconds before saying hesitantly 'Has it crossed your mind that she might be scared of losing you again?' He frowned at her, not understanding.

'Your family isn't here, Sam. Eventually you'll have to go. What about college? You might not go to the same one…you might be a thousand miles apart even! What happens then?'

'It wouldn't matter if we were _three_ thousand miles apart! I would never let her forget that I love her and need her…we would still be together! I'd still fight to make sure we stayed together,' he thumped his fist against his chest as if to drive his point across.

'Have you told _her _that?' she asked seriously.

'She has to know, surely!' he said frowning fiercely.

'How exactly? By telepathy?' Sam shot her killer look. 'It's true! Unless you tell her, she's not going to know! I know her Sam! She doesn't play games…when she loves, she loves fiercely and with her whole heart. If she's scared then it's because you haven't made her feel safe in your love for her.'

'_What,_' he spat incredulously. 'She knows I love her!'

'Have you ever told her why?'

'Of course…' Sam furrowed his brow. Had he? He'd told her she was amazing and gorgeous often throughout the summer and of course that he loved her….but had he told her why? He wasn't so sure. It was as if every time they had talked about their feelings that summer he had gotten so caught up in the moment, in _her_ that sometimes the words that he had been clamouring to say got lost in translation amidst the heavy beating of his heart, the touch of her hands and the feel of her lips on his.

'Really?' Look Sam, your track record doesn't speak well for you,' Quinn said ignoring the expletive that shot from his mouth on hearing her assessment and deciding that it was best to be harsh with him even though it was like kicking a puppy 'You dated me and you were more in love with my popularity than anything else…then you dated Santana…and look where that got you….dumped for a guy who was playing her beard!'

'What has this got to do with me and Mercedes!' he was furious now.

'For all she knows you may have told us that you loved us hundreds of times! It may have been common practice for you to fall in love at the drop of a hat….And let's be honest there was a time when popularity meant a lot to you...'

'That is bullshit!' he said glaring at her.

'Well it's not like you had a break between me and Santana is it?' she pointed out. 'All I'm saying Sam is that I know my girl. I've seen her go through some things that others haven't and she's seen me at my very worst. She may come across as sassy and fierce and full diva, but she still has doubts just like anyone else. I would bet my Yale acceptance that part of why she's scared is that she doesn't know the true extent of how you feel about her and why you feel the way you do.'

'That's crazy….She knows she's gorgeous and funny and kind and sexy and_ everything_ to me-'

'Does she?' Quinn looked at him doubtfully. 'Me and Santana are hard acts to follow,' she said jokingly.

Sam looked at her annoyed 'You have nothing on Mercedes! She's got more class, style, heart and beauty in one little finger than-'

'Don't even go there,' Quinn warned although she was smiling in spite of herself. 'You're lucky she's my girl. But seriously…I think part of the problem is that she doesn't know.' Sam bit his bottom lip hard, thinking it all over.

'So what do I do?' he asked Quinn finally.

'I have no idea, Sam. I really don't. Maybe you're right and this ultimatum will give her the shake she needs to move on with you or maybe…' she trailed off uncertainly.

'Maybe what?' he asked quietly.

'Maybe it will be the thing that finally kills whatever you and Mercy have off for good,' she shrugged fatalistically. Sam exhaled a deep breath as he came to the realisation that maybe he had wrong-footed himself in this dance that he and Mercedes were currently weaving in and out of. He didn't see a way out though…he couldn't stay here and stay on the side-lines of her life. It was all or nothing as far as he was concerned. He'd spent too long pretending to be someone he wasn't and accepting second best. This time round he was fighting with all he had and if he was going to go down, at least he'd be going down in a blaze of glory. Mercedes might choose to run away and hide from what they had, but he was damn sure she would never forget him.

'That's something I'll have to live with,' he told her stubbornly.

'But-'Quinn began.

'No more Quinn. No more,' and looking at his face Quinn knew she had pushed him far enough. He sent her a crooked smile before teasing her.

''So what's this I hear about you and Tarantula-head?' She flushed a deep red and giggled, unaware of the smitten smile that had formed on her fact at hearing Joe's nickname.

Mercedes sat opposite Quinn, her hands folded in her lap and staring down at her feet.

'So? You going to tell me what's wrong?' Quinn finally broke the silence.

'Nothing really,' Mercedes said automatically looking up. She was making her usual daily visit with Quinn, having got her mom to drop her off as her car was still in the garage being fixed.

'Yeah right, and I'm going to get up and start tap dancing around the room in a minute,' Quinn scoffed sarcastically. Mercedes winced, unconsciously mimicking the expression that Quinn had seen on Sam's face earlier, when she had delivered her tongue-lashing.

'_Don't_ Quinn,' she said softly, looking away. 'You could've _died_,'

'Yes I could've but I didn't,' Quinn said firmly 'Even though I'm stuck in this wheel chair _for now_, I feel lucky to be alive,'

'So you should, Quinn. It could have been-'Mercedes broke off unable to go on. Quinn inched forward grabbing her hand.

'Hey, I'm ok…But you're not Mercy and you're worrying me,'

'It's nothing,'

'Nothing? You sure it hasn't got anything to do with a certain ex-boyfriend of ours?' Quinn asked slyly. Mercedes felt the tears she had tried to keep from falling all day prick at the back of her eyes, at the very mention of Sam.

'Quinn-'

'He was here this morning Mercedes. I know what he said to you,' Quinn cut her off. Mercedes felt a stab of jealousy as she thought about Sam visiting Quinn._ Why shouldn't he visit Quinn, you have no right to be jealous. _Quinn gazed at her intently seeing the betraying emotions flash across her face before saying 'There's no need to be jealous, Mercedes,'

'I'm _not_ jealous!' Quinn smiled an infuriating knowing smile at her.

'Sure you aren't,'

'I'm not!' she insisted, feeling her cheeks heat up at the bald-faced lie. She thanked God for her dark skin because she was sure she would've resembled a tomato. Quinn sighed ruefully.

'Mercedes, I have something to tell you,' she told her friend hesitantly. Mercedes' brow furrowed as she caught the hint of embarrassment lurking on the blonde's face. 'When Sam came back…,' she said in a rush causing Mercedes to frown and move closer in an attempt to hear and decipher what she had just said.

'What?' she asked bemused. Quinn took a deep breath, and reminded herself that she was doing this for the greater good and what was a bit of embarrassment compared to her friend's peace of mind.

'When Sam came back, I threw myself at him and he turned me down flat,' she said slowly. Mercedes' eyes grew round and she shook her head.

'_Why?_ She whispered, stunned.

'Because I had a crazy idea he'd be perfect to help me raise Beth and I was lonely…and I realised that I had let a good-'Quinn tried to explain when Mercy cut across her.

'No I meant why did he turn you down?'

'Why do you think? He loves _you_, I mean really loves you. He turned me down, very nicely in a middle of a crowded hallway…talk about mortifying,' Quinn scowled in remembrance. Mercedes looked away, the tears that had plagued her ever since her confrontation with Sam, spilling down her face.

'Oh Mercy!' Quinn exclaimed sorrowfully 'Come here,' Mercedes knelt on the floor in front of Quinn's wheelchair and leaned towards her, feeling her friend's arms wrap around her in a gesture of comfort. She sobbed into her shoulder, letting out all the heartbreak she had felt ever since Sam had left for Kentucky in the summer and which she had kept locked up inside. Quinn just held her, rubbing her back until her sobs abated slightly, remembering the countless number of nights Mercy had done the same for her.

'He's so angry with me Quinn. He shouted at me…' she snuffled against her.

'Mercy, I don't know how to help you. He's angry because he's hurt. I know Sam loves you. And I also know you love him, what I don't understand is why you're still apart…He was wrong to give you an ultimatum, but he's desperate.' she said softly. 'Sam thinks you're scared…' and she waited for the inevitable explosion that was sure to follow. She knew Mercedes would never admit to being scared.

'He's right,' Mercedes admitted as Quinn's eyes widened in surprise. It was frightening really how well he knew her.

Quinn was stunned. She had never thought to see the day when Mercedes Jones confessed to being afraid of something.

'Why are you scared?'

'What's going to happen Quinn? If we get back together? We're around the corner from graduation…we'll be going our separate ways…again. His family aren't here…he'll leave and I can't live through that again.'

'He came back for you-'

'His home isn't here! What happens when he goes back! I'll be right back to where I started…a heartbroken mess!' she shook her head wildly.

'You haven't asked him about the future…you're making assumptions and decisions not only about your life but about his as well without giving him a chance to defend himself,' Quinn tried to reason with her.

'Do you know how empty I felt after he left? How alone? I lost him and there was nothing I could do about it and no one I could talk to….I don't ever want to feel that way again,' There was no way, _no way_ she was ever going to feel that way again. _Can you really feel any worse than you do right now, _a voice inside her head whispered.

'Is that why you started dating Shane? Because he couldn't make you feel that way?'

'He was….safe. I know that now. I wanted to put Sam behind me…and I tried to use Shane to do it,' she admitted, ashamed. 'I thought we'd fit…we were supposed to fit…but we didn't. Not like-'she broke off unable to continue.

'Not like you and Sam?' Quinn completed the sentence for her.

'No…not like me and Sam….I missed him Quinn, so much when he wasn't here. It was like missing the other half of my _soul_…like missing the air around me…and I don't know how I'm going to survive when he leaves again,' she whispered throat tight.

'Give him a chance, Mercedes,' Quinn coaxed her gently. Mercedes shook her head sadly.

'I can't. My heart would break all over again. _I know it_. He'd leave and then one day he'd find someone else…someone more like-'she broke off.

'Someone more like?' Quinn pressed her.

'Someone popular, pretty…more like him. One day he'd wake up and find out that I'm really not what he wants,'

'That's bullshit Mercedes! He loves you! He never stopped! He left to go to Kentucky but his heart stayed behind here, with you. You're beautiful Mercedes inside and out and Sam knows that!' Quinn exclaimed forcefully. 'What's happened to you? Where's the Mercedes Jones who's not afraid of anyone or anything, who can take Rachel Berry in a solo, who wasn't afraid to stand on her own two feet and for what she believed in and led the Troubletones to sectionals?'

'I'm not brave Quinn. I thought I was…I thought nothing could touch me. But I was wrong. Sam proved that beyond all doubt, '

'So you just give up? Is that it? You are going to continue to reject Sam and his hopes and dreams because you're too scared to try and live yours with him?' Quinn said exasperated.

'Look at what happens when we're together…total loss of control. I hurt Shane, Quinn. From the moment Sam set foot back in McKinley I knew Shane was done. But I held on to him as some sort of barrier against Sam and I didn't stop to consider his feelings,'

'So you should keep punishing yourself and Sam? You can't change what's happened and not being with Sam is not going to undo the hurt you caused Shane. You're using Shane again as wall against Sam. But that has nothing to do with what I asked you. Are you going to continue to reject him?'

Mercedes looked away dejected. Quinn didn't understand that much was obvious. 'I can't let him back in…I can't,'

'No Mercy, you mean you _won't_…two very different things.'

'You're on Sam's side! You don't-'Quinn sighed heavily cutting her off.

'No I'm on yours Mercy. I want the best for you…and I truly believe that Sam _is_ the best…Look I have a lot of affection for Sam. He's one in a million….but he's not you. As much as I might not like the decisions you make, I'll stand by you and defend you…you'll always have my support.' Quinn assured her. And there it was, if push came to shove she would have Mercy's back, because that's what friends do.

Mercedes stood up and walked to the window staring unseeingly out onto the street below.

'Do you think…that he's serious about leaving?' she asked Quinn softly.

'As a heart attack,' Quinn didn't smile 'He's leaving Mercy. If you can't even give him some kind of sign that you're willing to even try, he'll leave,'

'I have to think…I need to think…' she said breathing deeply.

'About what?'

'About whether I can be brave enough to do this again….about whether I can forget about what I did to Shane…about whether my heart will be able to take another beating if this all fails…' Quinn rolled her wheelchair forward to join Mercedes by the window..

'You are brave enough, Mercy. I know you are…you just have to believe that you are,'

'How did you get so wise?' Mercedes joked half-serious.

'Pushing out a baby the size of a watermelon will do strange things to you,' Quinn quipped, smiling at her.

'I've got to go…I need…to see someone,' She said biting her lip. She bent and hugged Quinn who hugged her back just as fiercely. She squared her shoulders and headed for the door. _Courage Mercy, courage._


	5. The Lover After Me

Disclaimer:As always they are not mine!

Lemme give a shout out to my glee forum pals: this chapter features Shane aka Crypt Crawler/Hallway Monitor/Chain/Crypt Keeper/Lurking Larry although I hope you'll find him a bit less annoying than when he's breaking up moments between the babies!

This chapter is inspired by Savage Garden's heartbreaking song :The Lover After Me

Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today  
>It's been seven months and counting<br>You've moved on  
>I still feel exactly the same<br>It's just that everywhere I go all the buildings know your name  
>Like photographs and memories of love<br>Steel and granite reminders  
>The city calls your name and I can't move on<p>

Ever since you've been gone  
>The lights go out the same<br>The only difference is  
>You call another name<br>To your love  
>To your lover now<br>To your love  
>The lover after me<p>

Am I all alone in the universe?  
>There's no love on these streets<br>I have given mine away to a world that didn't want it anyway  
>So this is my new freedom<br>It's funny  
>I don't remember being chained<br>But nothing seems to make sense anymore  
>Without you I'm always twenty minutes late<p>

Ever since you've been gone  
>The lights go out the same<br>The only difference is  
>You call another name<br>To your love  
>To your lover now<br>To your love  
>The lover after me<p>

And time goes by so slowly  
>The nights are cold and lonely<br>I shouldn't be holding on  
>But I'm still holding on for you<p>

Here I go again  
>I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today<br>But I'm standing at your doorway  
>I'm calling out your name because I can't move on<p>

Ever since you've been gone  
>The lights go out the same<br>The only difference is  
>You call another name<br>To your love  
>To your lover now<br>To your love  
>The lover after me<p>

Mercedes pulled her car into the darkening car park at William McKinley and sighed heavily. She was not looking forward to this, not at all but she knew she couldn't put it off any longer. She knew that a big part of her issues with Sam stemmed from fear-the fear that he didn't feel as much for her as she did for him, the fear that sooner or later he'd wake up and realise that a Mercedes Jones was not what he wanted in his life, the fear that one day he would leave and her heart and soul would lay broken beyond repair. She also knew that part of her was horrified, shocked and overwhelmed by what she had done to Shane. She had used him, cheated on him and _hurt_ him, something that she would never have thought herself capable of all in her quest to prove both to Sam and herself that what they had was no more than a summer fling. She had known, _known_ that what she felt for Shane was never going to amount to anything more than friendship but she had ruthlessly stamped that knowledge down into the depths of her heart. She had tried to deny and forget everything she had ever felt with Sam and she sometimes wondered if that wasn't the biggest betrayal of all. In trying to protect her heart from Sam, she had managed to break _three _hearts in the process and it was a knowledge that weighed heavily on her conscience.

She opened the car door, glanced around until her eyes landed on his car and walked towards the football pitch. She saw a few straggling players before her gaze honed in on the one she was searching for. He was standing on the bleachers packing his kit away into a holdall and she forced her legs to walk across the field towards him. She halted a few feet away and cleared her throat nervously,

'Shane?'

He turned around slowly and faced her unsmilingly. 'Mercedes,' he inclined his head in acknowledgement. She met his gaze and immediately wished she hadn't; his dark eyes were dull and full of hurt, a hurt that she had caused.

'Can we talk?' she asked quietly.

'I think it's long overdue, don't you?' he replied gesturing for her to climb the stairs to his level. She winced at his words; she knew what his implication was…she should have talked to him along, long time ago. She sat down on the bleacher and looked down at her shoes. He sat down next to her, big and solid but for once she didn't feel any comfort being next to him.

'I'm…I'm sorry,' she said sighing. She saw his body stiffen out of the corner of her eye.

'Sorry?' he gave a bark of laughter. 'You're sorry? No, you're not….I'm not dumb Mercedes…you're not sorry that you're in love with Sam. Are you?'

Mercedes bit her lip in consternation. No, she wasn't sorry…how could she be? She loved Sam with all her heart, all that she was and she could never regret that.

'I'm sorry for hurting you,' she told him softly.

'Why did you do it?' he asked painfully. 'Did I mean so fucking little to you?'

'No, Shane. You meant….a lot…just…' she trailed off, trying to find the words to explain.

'As what? Because it sure as hell wasn't as a boyfriend...' he said bitterly. Her throat was tight with the tears she was struggling to hold back. He had every right to be angry, she realised, every right to hate her but the very thought of it made her indescribably sad. Shane was kind and loyal and a great friend but that was all he should have ever been, she realised that now. She had lost his respect, loyalty and friendship all because she hadn't wanted to face the hard truth that she could never replace Sam in her heart.

'No, you're right. I should have never gone out with you,' she said looking at the floor.

'So why did you,' he voiced the question sharply.

'I was so lonely…so hurt…I felt so left behind and empty. I was so scared that what I was feeling was going to swallow me whole and I had to forget. Had to put it, _him_, behind me,' she admitted.

'So I was convenient? Just there in the right place at the right time?' he spat.

'I wish I had the answers you want to hear, but I don't. I've made a mess of things and I don't know how I can fix them.' She said softly looking out unseeingly across the football field.

'Some things can't ever be fixed Mercedes,' he told her heavily.

'I'm sorry Shane. I really am. I just wanted to let you know,' she said standing up. There was no more she could say after all. She had treated him terribly, hurt and humiliated him and in the process had hurt Sam too. She turned to go down the stairs when his voice stopped her.

'Wait…' he took a deep breath before continuing 'I knew you didn't love me. I knew it and I still took any little part of you that you would let me have,' She glanced at his face and saw sad resignation across his features. 'You didn't want to talk about Sam; it was like it was a forbidden subject between us,'

'I didn't want to talk about him to _anyone_. It was too painful,' she whispered miserably.

'I let it slide. I thought if I could convince you that my plans for our future were what was best for you, then we'd be ok. But we wouldn't have been would we? Even if he hadn't of come back…'

'No, we wouldn't have been. When it comes down to it I couldn't have given you any of the things you wanted from me. It may have taken me a while to realise it but I could _never_ have decided to have children with you or marry you.' She confessed, wincing.

'You would have never slept with me either,' it was a statement not a question.

'No…it would have been a step too far…I would've betrayed…' she stopped abruptly.

'What?'

'The memory of what Sam and I had.' Shane looked at her sadly and sighed.

'You love him, right Cedes?' and she saw a glimmer of hope in his eyes that she would deny it and she knew she had to crush it once and for all.

'Yes, Shane. I do and it's something I've learned that I can't change. Running away from it won't change it. My only regret is that I hurt you and I'm sorrier than I can ever say,' she said gently touching his arm. He gave her a sad smile which didn't quite meet his eyes.

'He's'…ok,' she look at him confused. 'He's a good guy….Sam' he clarified. She was stunned speechless.

'He came to talk to me on Valentine's Day. Said it had been his entire fault. Said he'd pushed you into the kiss. He asked me to give you a chance if you wanted to get back together with me. He also cussed me out for not having fought for you,' she gasped as she heard what Sam had done. Despite having his heart broken, despite her having rejected him he had been determined to ensure that she would still be happy even if it was without him. _Oh Sam,_ her heart clenched thinking about how much it must have hurt him.

'What did you say?'

'I told him that you wouldn't want to come back. That you didn't love me. That the reason I didn't fight for you was because I knew it was only a matter of time before you realised I wasn't it for you. I'd fight for what belongs to me…but you never did belong to me. I knew from the first movement I saw the photos you kept hidden at the back of your locker.' She knew exactly which photos he was talking about. A strip of photo booth photos taken at the carnival after they rode the tilt-a-whirl. She knew what he would've seen; her and Sam laughing, tickling each other in one, pulling faces in another, her sitting in his lap arms looped around his neck gazing into his eyes intently, him gently cupping her face leaning in to kiss her softly. She had hidden them behind her books and spare clothes, keeping them close to her so that on the days when everything threatened to overwhelm her she could gaze at them and remember a happier time. It was the one indulgence she allowed herself when it came to Sam, the only time she allowed herself to think of him.

'You never once looked at me the way you did him in those photos. I waited and waited…' he trailed off and her heart ached for him. 'And then he came back. I saw that same look back in your eyes when you looked at him and I knew that it would never be over for you…'

'I'm so sorry,' she repeated again tearfully. It seemed inadequate but it was the only the only thing she could say.

'I could feel you slipping through my fingers…and I started haunting the corridors…it was demeaning…'

She looked at him in confusion.

'Didn't you ever wonder how I always managed to interrupt you and Sam? I watched you constantly ready to run interference if he so much as looked like he was going to make a move. I practically _stalked _you. I became someone I didn't even recognise or like,' he said, brown eyes trained on her face, the hurt and disgust he felt at himself written all over his face.

'Shane-'

'I should've let you go,' he cut across her. 'I stood no hope in hell did I?' he asked painfully.

'I…' she didn't want to hurt him any more than she already had.

'Tell me the truth for God's sake!'

'No...' she tried again her voice stronger 'No you didn't,'

'So what is it? His pretty boy looks?' he asked bitterly. Mercedes closed her eyes briefly trying to find the words that would explain the unexplainable.

'You and I should have worked…we were similar….we should have fit. But it was like putting a square peg in a round hole. We didn't fit at all. Sam…Sam fit. He always did and no matter how hard I tried I couldn't change that…it had nothing, _nothing_ to do with looks…it has to do with what's inside…Sam he's my soul mate, that's the only way I can describe it,' she said knowing the words weren't enough, would never be enough for Shane to understand. He gave her a twisted smile.

'Soul mates huh? Then why aren't you with him? I thought as soon as we broke up, you guys would have hooked up again,'

She looked down at her shoes, swallowing hard. 'What I did to you was wrong, Shane. I couldn't begin to deal with that guilt…how could I be with Sam when I'd hurt you so badly?' He looked at her as though trying to decide what he should say and then sighed heavily in resignation.

'Mercedes, what you did was wrong…but I'm not blind. Sam loves you, as much as it pains me to say it. I knew it the first time I saw him look at you, and I saw it when he came looking for me, fully expecting me to hit him for what he'd done. I'm not going to say shit like it doesn't matter or it doesn't hurt, or he's the better guy but I don't want this to be all in vain.' She looked at him astounded.

'Shane-'

'Don't look at me like that; I'm not some sort of saint Mercedes. You want my two cents worth? Then there is really no need for three people to be miserable…one is enough….That doesn't mean I can forgive you…I don't truly know that I ever will…'

'I…understand,' knowing that she had no right to either ask for or expect his forgiveness. She smiled sadly at him and raised a hand to gently cup his cheek and stroke his face.

'You're a good person, Shane. One day-'

'Spare me the platitudes please,' he said closing his eyes as he felt her touch on his skin.

'I mean it Shane. One day someone amazing will come along who'll love you like you deserve.'

'Just not you,' he said sadly.

'No, not me,' she agreed. She would never be able to love anyone else after Sam. Sam Evans had burst into her life and taken it hostage and no matter how she had tried to get free, he still held on to her heart. What she knew now, which she should have always known was that he would always be front and centre in her life. She put her arms around Shane in a gesture of farewell, tears streaming down her face. He hugged her back tightly before letting her go reluctantly.

'Be happy Cedes. In spite of everything you deserve it,' She smiled at him through her tears and descended the stairs. She needed to talk to Sam, it had been too long in coming and she was now left with no choice. No matter how heartbroken she was, how scared she was and how hopeless she felt, she owed it both to herself and him to talk to him. To tell him the truth no matter how much it cost her._ Tomorrow, I'll do it tomorrow. There's always tomorrow._

Sam looked up from his collection of comic books to see who had knocked on his door. He had been sitting on his bed staring sightlessly at the magazines, not seeing the graphics he normally took so much pleasure in reading, but Mercedes' hurt and devastated face. His gaze met Finn's and he forced himself to smile at his friend. Finn however didn't return the smile.

'Sam,' he said haltingly 'I've got something to tell you…' Sam cocked his head to the side, curious.

'Ok…shoot,' he said. Finn took a deep breath and was silent for a moment or two. He had been steeling himself for this moment ever since he had returned home forty-five minutes ago.

'How are you…and Mercedes?'

'Why do you ask?' Sam knew straight away from the look on Finn's face that something was very, very wrong and he didn't like it.

'I was at football practice earlier…you know Thursday night training right? Anyway I'd forgotten I'd left my jersey on one of the bleachers, so I went back to get it cos I was worried I might not get it back, you know how those dudes are-' he rambled on.

'As fascinating as this is, what is wrong with Mercedes?'

'I…saw her…' Sam frowned in confusion, getting up to walk around the bed.

'I don't understand,'

'With Shane,' Finn's next words knocked the air out of his lungs and he felt his knees buckle. 'She was in his arms…I'm…sorry dude,' He sank to the floor, not caring what Finn thought of him.

'No…' he whispered, face pale. Not _his _Mercy…please God not _his_ Mercy. _You should never have pushed her so hard._ Quinn had been right. Mercedes had done what she had predicted. She had stuck her head in the sand and headed for what she thought was safe. Shane. Sam had thought that he could not possibly hurt any more than he already did but in that split second he felt what was left of his torn, bruised and battered heart rend in two. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think of anything but two words. Mercedes .Shane. Together.

'Are you ok, dude?' Finn winced at the stupidity of the question. Of course Sam wasn't ok. He dreaded to think how he'd react if it were Rachel.

Sam looked up, the light of defeat flickering dully in his gaze.

'I'm going, Finn.'

'What! Look, dude no. Stay and fight-'

'What good will that do me? What good has it ever done me! She's made her choice….she's chosen him…I was never good enough-'his voice broke and Finn had to look away.

'I'm going,' he said again 'Tonight. I'm driving down to Kentucky.'

'Are you sure? I mean maybe you should-'Finn started to argue.

'I'm going. End of.' He said walking to the closet and pulling out his suitcase. 'I can't stay here. I can't stand by and watch her.' He threw things in haphazardly not really caring about his belongings. What use was anything if he couldn't have the one thing that he truly loved? Why? Why could it never be him? Why wasn't he enough for her? She loved him dammit, she'd said so and she wasn't one to lie. Not his Mercy. Except that she wasn't his Mercy anymore…hadn't been for a long time. He'd fooled himself into thinking that he could win this war….right from the start he should have known he didn't have a hope in hell.

'I should never have come back…should have known when she cut all contact with me…' he felt desolation clasp its cold fingers around his heart. _Mercedes…_it cried…_why?_

'What's going on?' Kurt stood at the entrance of the room looking at the scene in front of him in confusion. 'Where are you going?'

'I'm going…home,' Sam forced the word out. He was going back to his family yes…but his home? His home would always be wherever Mercedes was…and he'd just lost that for good.

'Why?' Kurt's perfectly coiffed head whipped around to glare at Finn. 'What have you said?'

'Me? Nothing!' Finn quickly defended himself. Kurt glared at him unconvinced before turning back to Sam.

'Have you told Mercedes about this sudden change of plans?' He scowled at the blonde, narrowing his eyes.

'Like she'd give a fuck!' he spat back. Kurt recoiled at the vitriol he heard in Sam's voice and his eyes grew round in shock.

'Don't be ridiculous,' he reprimanded Sam primly.

'So I'm ridiculous, huh? I should stick around here watching her strut round the school with Shane is that it?' he shook his head, clenching his jaw.

'What are you talking about? She split up with Shane on Valentine's Day. You _know_ this!' Kurt looked at him incredulously before adding sharply 'And for the record Mercedes does _not_ strut!'

'She's back with him,' Sam was busy piling his clothes into the suitcase not even looking at Kurt.

'She would've told me if that were the case. I saw her earlier when she picked up her car from my dad's auto shop, don't be so ridi-'Kurt said again before Finn cut across him.

'It's true. I saw them at McKinley, after football practice tonight. She was in his arms,' Kurt gaped at them mouth opening and closing like a fish before he recovered.

'I don't care _what_ you saw, Finn, she is not back with him. I know her and I'm telling you-'

'You can tell it all you like, Kurt. But I'm out of here. I'm man enough to admit when I've been beaten,' Kurt saw the sheer heartbreak and absolute devastation in Sam's face.

'Sam-'

'Enough!' Sam had never raised his voice to Kurt before and for a moment Kurt stood still in stunned silence before turning on his heel and walking out of the door. Finn placed a hand awkwardly on Sam's shoulder.

'Are you sure about this, dude?' he asked Sam quietly.

'I…have...to go,' Sam struggled to get the words out as his throat burned with the tears he was so desperately trying to hold back. Tears of rage, tears of hurt, tears of hopelessness and grief. Finn just nodded and put a hand on his shoulder, part of him wishing he had kept his mouth shut and part of him knowing he had done the right thing even if right at this moment it felt so wrong.

Kurt rushed into his bedroom, grabbing his cell phone off his bed. He scrolled through his contacts and hit the dial button,

'Come on, come on, come on answer dammit!' he was chanting into the phone dancing around the room in pure tension. Sam wouldn't listen to reason he had found that out to his cost. There was only one person that could change his mind and he was praying to a God that he never had believed in before that she would answer her phone.

'Hello?' came the groggy reply.

'Thank God!' he breathed in relief 'Mercedes…we've got a problem…'

'


	6. Here Without You

Disclaimer: Not mine people!

Ok this is the second time Chain/Cryptie/Hallway Monitor appears….please give him some love…And please check out Syl's 3rd Chapter of Searching For a Heart, it's awesome!

The song for this chapter's title is Here without You by 3 Doors Down.

A hundred days have made me older  
>Since the last time that I saw your pretty face<br>A thousand lies have made me colder  
>And I don't think I can look at this the same<br>But all the miles that separate  
>Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face<p>

I'm here without you baby  
>But you're still on my lonely mind<br>I think about you baby  
>And I dream about you all the time<p>

I'm here without you baby  
>But you're still with me in my dreams<br>And tonight it's only you and me, yeah

The miles just keep rollin'  
>As the people leave their way to say hello<br>I've heard this life is overrated  
>But I hope that it gets better as we go, oh yeah yeah<p>

I'm here without you baby  
>But you're still on my lonely mind<br>I think about you baby  
>And I dream about you all the time<p>

I'm here without you baby  
>But you're still with me in my dreams<br>And tonight girl it's only you and me

Everything I know and anywhere I go  
>It gets hard but it won't take away my love<br>And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done  
>It gets hard but it won't take away my love, whoa<p>

I'm here without you baby  
>But you're still on my lonely mind<br>I think about you baby  
>And I dream about you all the time<p>

I'm here without you baby  
>But you're still with me in my dreams<br>And tonight girl it's only you and me, yeah oh yeah oh

'Kurt? What's wrong,' Mercedes tried to shake of the air of sleepiness that was still clouding her brain as a she tried to make sense of Kurt's words. The light from her cell glowed bright in her darkened room and her eyes struggled to focus and regain their night vision.

'Sam's leaving, Mercy' he said in a hushed voice.

'_What? '_The word shot forth from her lip like a whip crack. 'What do you mean he's leaving? I haven't even had a chance to talk to him about his ultimatum,' she frowned in confusion, suddenly alert.

'He's driving down to Kentucky tonight and he's not coming back,' Kurt elucidated. Mercedes felt her heart stop and the breath catch in her throat._ Please God, no-don't let it be true._ She couldn't find her voice for a couple of seconds.

'Mercy?' Kurt prompted worriedly.

'Why is he leaving, Kurt?'

'He seems to have the impression you've gotten back together with Shane….it's not true, is it?'

'Of course it isn't! How did he come up with such an idea?' she declared wildly her heart beating erratically at the thought that Sam was really leaving.

'Finn saw you hugging Shane after practice tonight,' Kurt explained his voice just above a whisper as he headed out of the door and down the stairs. He looked on the hall table frantically searching for Sam's keys, jumping as he heard the commotion from coming from upstairs.

'Kurt!' Mercedes hissed. 'I'm not back together with him. I was just talking to him-'Kurt half heard what she was saying as he pressed the phone into his neck just below his ear.

'Dude, I think you should wait to talk to Mercedes,' Finn was saying whilst Sam was dragging his suitcase. Kurt saw the keys sticking out behind Carol's vase and made to grab them whilst returning this gaze to the stairwell. His fingers grazed them and knocked them back to fall behind the table.

'Shit,' he kicked them behind one of its thick legs so they weren't visible before lifting the phone to his ear.

'Cedes, I've hidden his car keys…you need to get your ass here toute de suite,' he whispered furiously. Sam came down the stairs suitcase in hand, turning back to say to Finn.

'What's the point, Finn? To hear from her own mouth that she's back with him? No thanks…I'd rather not,' Sam retorted painfully. Mercedes heard him from her end of the line and her hand went to her mouth to stifle a sob. He was really leaving; he didn't want to see her anymore.

'Cedes?' Kurt hissed at her impatiently.

'I'm coming…just please don't let him leave,' she begged tears spilling down her face.

'I'm not sure I can stop him…if he finds the keys,' Kurt turned away from Sam and Finn who were now at the bottom of the stairs to murmur warningly into the mouthpiece.

'Who you talking to?' Finn asked him clapping a hand on his shoulder and making him jump.

'Blaine,' came the lie with no hesitation.

'Where are my keys?' Sam asked exasperated.

'I have no idea,' Kurt replied innocently. 'Maybe they're in the den?' Finn frowned looking at the table leg intently.

'Hey dude! They're behind here!' Kurt glared at Finn furiously. If looks could kill he'd be dead and cremated.

'Thanks,' Sam held out his hands for the keys, and then strode out of the front door to his battered truck loading his suitcase. He returned back to the house and ran back up the stairs to collect his guitar and backpack.

'Cedes… Finn, the bumbling idiot has found his keys for him,' Kurt said urgently earning an indignant 'Hey!' from Finn. 'You've got to get to St John's Drive. He has to go through it before he can get on the interstate.'

'I thought you said that was Blaine,' Finn looked all manner of confused. Kurt's hand reached up to deliver a sharp smack to the back of Finn's head. '_Shut up!'_

'Ow!' Finn rubbed his head as he began to process what was happening and understanding finally dawned in his eyes.

'I'm leaving now,' she said getting out of the bed hurriedly and grabbing her keys from her desk. She cut the call and crept out of the door and down the hallway. She grimaced at her pyjamas but there was no help for it…she needed to get to St John's Drive before Sam did and changing meant losing precious time. She passed her parents door holding her breath as she did so and descended silently down the stairs. If they found out, they'd kill her she knew but she had to get to Sam, had to explain…she couldn't fail. She let herself out of the screen door in the kitchen and headed to her car. She prayed to every saint she knew of that she'd get there in time.

* * *

><p>Sam stood outside the Hummel-Hudson house, having loaded all his possessions into his truck. Carol and Burt stood to one side of the drive, Burt shaking his head.<p>

'Son, I think you should maybe leave it until tomorrow morning,' Burt said seriously. Carol was wringing her hands worried.

'Sam, listen to Burt. Call your parents in the morning, please. I know I'd be so worried if it were Finn or Kurt,' she said imploringly. Sam looked at them, these people that had without question and hesitation welcomed him into their house and sighed. He would miss them so much, he knew but he couldn't stay. If he stayed he would end up hurting Mercedes, he knew it. He wouldn't be able to move on and he wouldn't be able to let her.

'I can't. I…have to go,' he said hugging Carol tightly. He could see the tell-tale shimmer of tears in her eyes and he ducked his head. Burt clasped his shoulder 'If you change your mind, Sam, the door is always open and you know where to find us,' He nodded unable to trust his voice.

'Dude, I'm going to miss you,' Finn said 'You came back for us, and I'll always be grateful,'

Sam shook his head ruefully 'I came back for her,'

'You helped us though and you were a true friend,' Finn continued doggedly. 'Don't be a stranger,'

'I won't,' Sam said, knowing deep inside that the contact would be kept to a minimum. He didn't think his heart could handle receiving second-hand information about Mercedes and how she was getting on with her life. Kurt stepped forward and Sam stretched out his hand, but the other boy ignored it closing the distance between him and hugging him.

'You're making a mistake, Sam. You need to give Mercy-me a chance,' Sam shook his head sadly and replied 'I am giving her a chance. I should've never come back, Kurt.'

'I don't know what went on between you because it was a subject I never broached with her. She just closed off whenever you were mentioned. But I do know this Sam. All the times I caught you looking at each other…she never once looked at Shane like that. Not once. She loves you,' he told him.

'I know she does, Kurt. That was never in question. I know Mercy and she would never lie. She told me she loved me and she meant it.'

'Then why-'

'Because she's too scared to trust in what we have. She may love me but she wants what is safe. And that's Shane.'

'Sam I really think you should reconsider…' Kurt tried again.

'I can't, Kurt. Seeing her with Shane the first time around damned near crucified me but seeing her with Shane now knowing she loves me….that would destroy my _soul_.'

'She isn't with Shane!' Kurt tried to convince him.

'Then what was she doing in his arms!'

'I don't know! I haven't heard the full story yet! But I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt!'

'Look after her Kurt,' Sam said shaking his head. 'I mean it. Don't put Rachel in front of her or forget about her and only focus on Blaine. She needs you,'

Kurt nodded ashamed. 'I won't, Sam. I know that I haven't been the greatest friend recently but I swear that's going to change,' _Because I think she'll need me more than ever, if you go. Because I don't think she will ever recover from this._ Sam turned and climbed into his truck raising his hand in farewell. He started the ignition and pulled off, the last thing he saw in his rear view mirror was the Hummel-Hudsons, their hands waving goodbye as they stood in the road.

'Do you think we were right to let him go?' Carol fretted as Burt put an arm around her and led her back into the house.

'He's eighteen, Carol. There's nothing we could've done.' Burt sighed regretfully.

* * *

><p>Sam turned on the radio in the truck, not really caring what was on just wanting something to take him away from the emptiness that was threatening to swallow him whole. How he was going to live without her again he didn't know. The first time round he had thought it had been terrible and then he'd come back swinging and fighting for her, determined to take no prisoners. All he'd managed to do was hurt Shane, alienate and lose her. Sam felt bad about Shane, he truly did. He knew what it was like to be cheated on even if the rather chaste kiss he and Mercedes had shared had not been anything like the full make out sessions Quinn had indulged in with Finn. In fact his and Mercedes' kiss was a thousand times worse because of all the emotions behind it. It was love pure and simple. It was the whispering of one heart to another <em>I need you and love you…please love me and need me back<em>, regardless of the fact she had been in a relationship with someone else. It was this that had made him seek Shane out, to explain about Mercedes. Shane had won, he thought painfully. Shane would get everything he would sell his soul for; her laugh, her smiles, her touch…maybe not her love yet because that still belonged to him but eventually she might grow to love him. He cast his mind back to the week after Valentine's Day when he had sought Shane out in the locker rooms.

_Sam took a deep breath and walked into the nearly empty locker rooms. He spotted his target packing his kit away carefully and made his way towards him. _

'_Shane,' he said to the other guy's back, clenching his jaw in anticipation of what was to come._

'_Sam.' came the reply. Shane Tinsley slowly turned around to face him, fists closed tightly by his sides. Sam eyed them stoically and said 'If you're going to hit me, go ahead and do it,'_

_Shane tensed for a few seconds and his knuckles turned white, then he relaxed and his hands opened._

'_I'm not going to hit you,' Shane told him grimacing._

'_No?' Sam was bewildered. If it had been him he would have started swinging and asked questions later._

'_That wouldn't bring her back,' Shane added rationally._

'_I know you won't believe me, but for what little it's worth I am sorry.'_

'_What for? Coming back? Pursuing her even though she was with me? Singing to her? Kissing her?'_

_Sam sighed deeply. 'I can't regret any of those things and the truth is if I had my time over again, I wouldn't change a thing. But I am sorry you got hurt, man.' Shane gave a grunt of acknowledgement._

'_At least you're honest,' he conceded grudgingly._

'_I've been in your shoes and it sucks,' Sam admitted._

'_So why did you do it then?' Shane spat, raw hurt evident in his eyes._

'_Because I didn't have any choice! She's my everything.'_

'_She was _my _girlfriend!' Shane's fist bounced off his locker._

_Sam looked away focusing his gaze on the lockers. 'Do you love her?'_

'_Of course-'_

'_No, I mean really love her? Did you ever hold her in your arms after losing at nationals and realise that nothing, _nothing_ mattered more to you in the world than making everything ok for her? Did you thank God that she asked you to go to the prom and also be terrified of what would have happened if she hadn't at the same time? If you hadn't been given the chance to love her? Did you ever wipe the tears away that that prick Jesse caused when he called her lazy and pray to God that she would believe how amazing she was when you told her?'_

'_I-'_

'_Did you ever just lie on the grass in a park just holding her, kissing her neck as your life was dissolving into shit around you but you couldn't ever remember being that happy? Did you want to be better than you were, just to make her proud?' He focused his green eyes on Shane then and the other boy saw the unconditional love blazing out of them and swallowed hard. 'Did you ever put her name in lights just so that she could see the star that she always has been?'_

_Shane sat down on the bench and Sam followed suit. 'I don't do the passionate love stuff…I don't know how….'_

'_Did you ever look into her eyes and see your future? Your unborn children and the family you would build, sacrifice everything for…even die for?'_

'_I offered her-'_

'_I know what you offered her. My question is do you love her like that?' Sam pressed him._

'_I don't think I've ever felt love like that,' Shane confessed quietly. 'But I do love her, care about her…'_

'_But not like I do. She's the other half of my soul…that's why I had to fight. It was nothing personal. If she had told me she really loved you, looked into my eyes and said it then I would've left it then and there. But she didn't.'_

'_I know.' Shane sighed 'I knew how she felt about you…she was always so closed when it came to discussing you. She has these photos at the back of her locker…of you two together. She doesn't know I've seen them. I took the coward's way out. If I pretended I hadn't seen them then they didn't matter and you were hundreds of miles away. But you came back…'_

'_I came back. I am sorry that you got caught in the middle of this. But I can't lie to you and say I regret any of my actions…. except hurting her.' Sam told him unapologetically._

'_So what do you expect from me? To say its ok?' Shane raised his voice slightly._

'_No. What I've realised is that the only thing that really matters is her happiness. And if she decides she wants you-'he inhaled deeply forcing his next words out 'then give her a chance,'_

'_You really think she'd want to come back,' Shane snorted incredulously. Sam shrugged his shoulders. He really didn't know what Mercedes wanted anymore._

'_If she does will you at least listen to her?' he prodded Shane._

'_She isn't coming back. Even if she did you'd still be here,' Sam closed his eyes as her heard Shane's words and gathered the courage to utter his next words._

'_If she chooses you, I'll go,' he promised._

'_You say that now but-'_

'_You have my word. Once I give it I keep it.' Shane shook his head slowly. Sam Evans was crazy. There was no way he would have let Mercedes go back to Sam if the roles had been reversed. Sam loved her, that much he could see and probably a lot more than he himself did. _

'_Fine. If she chooses me I'll listen,' he agreed thinking that it would be a cold day in hell before that ever happened. Sam nodded unsmilingly and headed out of the door wordlessly. He walked down the corridor, heart torn and aching, knowing that what he had done would kill him but at least if that was the path she chose she wouldn't be alone._

Of course looking back now the more time went past, the more comfortable he had gotten with the idea that Mercedes was not going to go back to Shane. Finn's stark announcement had caught him by surprise and the already shaky foundations of his world crumbled into nothingness. He had her answer to her ultimatum and he also had a debt to Shane to fulfil. He was headed to Kentucky back into the loving embrace of his family, back to what was heart achingly familiar but not home….never home. That would forever be where Mercy was and nothing could ever change that.

* * *

><p>Mercedes drove with her foot flat on the pedal, right at the speed limit, cheeks wet with tears. 'Please let me get there, please don't let him leave,' she repeated over and over again as a terrifying fear welled in her chest. She had been so stupid and this was her punishment she was sure. For being a coward she was going to lose Sam and regret it for the rest of her life. She pulled onto St John's Drive and pulled the car over to the kerb. She got out leaving the lights on and immediately shivered. Looking down she saw her purple pyjama pants with silver stars and her purple vest. She hadn't even stopped to grab a jacket and the night air was slightly cool and she felt the spatter of light rain. She couldn't wait in the car…she might miss him and that wasn't an option. She squared her shoulders bravely trying to ignore the cold as her heart threatened to beat out of her chest. She saw the lights of a truck turn onto the drive and although it was impossible to see the driver, she suddenly knew with a sickening certainty it was Sam. She stepped into the road and waved her arms frantically, praying he'd see her in time.<p>

Sam tightened his grip on the steering wheel as he turned onto the road that would lead him to the ramp for the interstate. He suddenly caught sight of someone stepping out into the road some way down the road, their arms waving, trying to flag him down. Shocked, his reactions were somewhat slowed and he jammed on the brakes swerving slightly to make sure he didn't hit them. His mind registered the fact that he knew the person that had flagged him down. It couldn't be, he told himself, she was with Shane…there was no way she'd be standing in the middle of a deserted road at this time of night…His eyes confirmed what his brain could not process, that it was Mercy standing in the road in what looked to be some very skimpy pyjamas. He brought the truck to a halt and jumped down striding towards her in a towering rage.

'Are you fucking _crazy_? You trying to get yourself killed!' the adrenaline that had pumped through his body seconds earlier as he had struggled to bring the truck to a halt abruptly left leaving a sick feeling of relief and anger.

'I-'she began but he didn't let her finish.

'I could've hit you! What the fuck-'he reached her and suddenly he was hauling her into his arms, consequences be damned and kissing her furiously, passionately, heart-wrenchingly. He backed her up against her car, never breaking the kiss. His tongue slid over her lips and as these opened into her mouth duelling with her tongue for dominance staking his claim and subduing hers. Her arms wound around his neck and he lifted her slightly, her leg curling around his waist as the heavens opened and the downpour crashed down around them. He was struggling to control himself, but her lips were soft and inviting under his, her hands, now fisted in hair, her scent pervading the very air around him and he knew resistance was futile. She caught his lip gently between her teeth and bit down gently, her tongue snaking out to caress the small hurt. She pulled away, breathing heavily, her tear stained wet eyes gazing into his.

'Please don't leave me, Sammy' she pleaded, heartbrokenly. 'Please don't go,' and with sob buried her head in his chest crying inconsolably and all he could do was hold her against his chest, as the rain came down steadily, soaking them. Shane. The thought came blaring into his mind and his muscles tensed. Pushing her away gently he disentangled himself shaking his head.

'No, you don't get to ask me that, Mercedes. I'm leaving,' he said grimly turning on his heel and striding towards his truck, trying to steel his shattered heart against her. He was unprepared for her attack from behind and he stumbled as her body collided with his, her arms going round his waist insistently.

He spun round grasping her arms, sparks flying from his eyes hurt and rage making his mind cloud over.

'Stop it! Haven't you done enough damage already? I'm letting you have your damned fairy-tale ending with Shane. What the fuck more do you want from me?' he yelled at her trying to find some grounding in the maelstrom of anger, pain and misery he was sinking into. She bowed her head, tears coursing down her cheeks as she desperately tried to find the words that would make him stay, and terrified that whatever she did say would never be enough. He sighed brokenly and began to turn around when her answer came softly, almost so soft that he had to strain to hear it above the steady fall of the rain.

'I just want your love…' and she raised her head to look into his stunned green eyes.

Shane's appearance in the chapter was for all those of you who wanted to know exactly what was said between Sam and Chain….and we can now bid him adieu hopefully forever! Coming up...can Mercy convince Sam to stay or is she going to have to drag her ass to Kentucky to get him back?


	7. Fix You

Disclaimer: If they were mine they'd be together already...none of this sexual tension rubbish cos they'd be down and wanky with it. Team Wanky is in da house!

Song is Fix You by Coldplay.

* * *

><p>When you try your best, but you don't succeed<br>When you get what you want, but not what you need  
>When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep<br>Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face  
>When you lose something you can't replace<br>When you love someone, but it goes to waste  
>Could it be worse?<p>

Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below  
>When you're too in love to let it go<br>But if you never try you'll never know  
>Just what you're worth<p>

Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down on your face  
>When you lose something you cannot replace<br>Tears stream down on your face  
>And I...<p>

Tears stream down on your face  
>I promise you I will learn from my mistakes<br>Tears stream down on your face  
>And I...<p>

Lights will guide you home  
>And ignite your bones<br>And I will try to fix you

Sam stared at Mercy as he turned over her words in his mind, blood thundering in his ears almost making him feel light-headed. _I just want your love._

'But your with Shane,' he said stupidly, the realisation dawning that she was here, standing in her pyjamas late at night, in the middle of a deserted road waiting for him. _For him, not Shane._

'Look at me Sam! I almost got myself run over to stop you from leaving. I'm standing here in the middle of this damned road in my _pyjamas_ no less and you think _I'm with Shane_?' she threw her hands up in the air helplessly.

'But Finn said-'He stopped as he saw anger flash across her tear stained face.

'I don't give a monkey's cuss what Finn said! I'm a not with Shane!' she stamped her foot in temper.

'You're here for me?' he voiced it as more of a statement then a question.

'I'm here for you,' she confirmed, sighing. She waited for his reaction. One, two, thr-and suddenly he rushed at her, arms closing around her propelling her backwards until her back was against the side of her car.

'What-'she didn't get to finish her sentence because for the second time that night, his mouth was on hers. One hand cupped her head as he deepened the kiss. It felt so right, she thought, like coming home and she wondered how the hell she had survived this long without this, without _him._ His tongue cruised the seam of her lips, tempting and challenging her to open them to him; instinctively she parted them and he took advantage to tangle his tongue with hers. Her hand went up to his chest, with the intention of pushing him away slightly to be able to talk again, but it in the thin stuff of his T-shirt as if acting of its own volition. He withdrew slightly only to pepper her face, jaw, ears anywhere he could touch with kisses.

'Sam,' she whispered against his mouth trying to regain some form of control.

'Oh God, Mercy,' he said kissing her softly again and hauling her against him so she was pressed flush to him. His hands curved over her bare arms and felt the cold skin. Dropping a kiss to her shoulder, he smiled ruefully at her.

'Come on. You're freezing,' and he released her only to clasp her hand in his much bigger one and pull her towards the truck. Mercedes blinked bemusedly. As soon as she had felt Sam's arms close about her she had forgotten about feeling cold as the heat from his body had scorched her own skin. Reaching the truck he opened the door and helped her to climb in. She shifted up towards the passenger side watching as he grabbed something from the back and climbed in next to her. He unfolded the same towel he had offered her before, on the day her car had broken down , and put it around her shoulders, holding onto the ends and using them to gently dry her hair.

'Here put these on…they're dry,' he said handing her a set of folded jogging bottoms and a T-shirt. He looked away as she did as he asked, knowing that if he caught sight of her, he would never be able to control himself, he'd been without her for too long, and he knew they desperately needed to talk.

Mercedes took off her sodden pyjama pants and pulled on sweat pants, rolling the cuffs up to deal with the obvious height difference between them. She quickly tugged the vest off and slipped the shirt on taking a deep breath as its neck brushed past her nose. Suddenly she was enveloped by a smell so heart-achingly familiar, so _Sam_ that she had to close her eyes against the tears that sprang up in them. She had been so afraid for so long, so certain that she'd never feel this again, never smell his scent next to her skin again that the sheer relief was almost too much. He turned towards her and reached out to pull her into his lap, her back against his chest and his face nestled in the crook of her neck.

'Sam-'she protested trying to scoot off, maintain some distance so that she could talk rationally to him but his arms tightened about her, not letting her move.

'No Mercy, please just let me hold you,' he begged in her ear 'Please it's been so long…I just want to hold you. We can talk about anything and everything you like, but I need you to stay in my arms,'

Mercedes relaxed in his hold. She needed to be held as much as he needed to hold her, to reassure herself that she had made it in time, that he was still here and not on the road to Kentucky headed out of her life forever.

'I'm sorry,' came Sam's voice, the words muffled by her hair. She turned in his lap to look at him confused.

'Why are you sorry? It's me that should be apologising to you,'

'I'm sorry I put so much pressure on you…I'm sorry that I made you doubt yourself. I'm sorry for leaving…I'm just sorry.'

Mercedes linked her arms around the back of his neck and sighed. 'It wasn't your fault…'

'I was too intense…'he admitted tautly.

'You always are,' she teased smiling.

'Only when it comes to you,' he said seriously.

'It wasn't your fault you had to go,' she said softly. 'You didn't have a choice,'

'I hated leaving you. It was pure hell especially when you didn't answer my calls or texts or emails,' he said, eyes dark with remembered hurt.

She ducked her head, ashamed.

'I…couldn't. It would have hurt too much…'

'And then I saw that video on YouTube…the cocoa babies thing,' she winced at the reminder 'and I was so angry and hurt. I couldn't believe that I was watching the love of my life planning to have the babies which should have been mine with another guy.'

'I was scared,' she whispered painfully.' I was so scared and so lonely…and Shane came along…'

'If I hadn't gone none of this would have happened' he said,wincing at the thought.

'But what choice did you have? It's not your fault Sam. I told myself we were only 17 and that we couldn't possibly have found our soul mates…' she trailed off, wincing as she repeated the lie that she had convinced herself to believe. His brow furrowed and he shook his head, leaning to plant a soft kiss on her collarbone.

'And now Mercy? What do you believe now? Because I can tell you what I know. I know that I want to spend the rest of my life with you, that I want to wake up every morning knowing that my life is better just because you're mine. You're it for me and I can't change that. I don't _want_ to change that,' his green eyes were intense and focused on hers.

She looked away, overwhelmed by the moment. Trying to find the words to explain that she felt the same and at the same time explain the all-powerful fear that enveloped her each and every time she thought about it.

'Mercy…' his voice gentler than she had ever heard it, drew her back to him. 'What are you so afraid of?'

She swallowed painfully trying to loosen the knot that had formed in her throat. She removed her hands from around his neck and placed them in her lap, her thumbs twiddling, as sure sign that she was nervous.

'Mercedes? What are you afraid of?' he prodded, not wanting to pressure her too much but unwilling to let it go. For the longest time she was silent and he thought she wasn't going to answer. Then she took a deep breath and gathered up her courage. She couldn't look at him, though. She couldn't look at him while she shared all the fears and insecurities that had plagued her since his return, although if she were honest they had plagued her from the very beginning of their relationship.

'You and me…what we had…was so intense. I wasn't ready for something like that. Prom was something special for me, _you_ made it special…like a dream come true. I suppose that's when I first began to feel afraid. I was Mercedes Jones and I had always said I didn't need a man…but deep down inside I was like everyone else…wanting their Cinderella moment,' she began to explain hesitantly. His hands covered hers, stroking the backs of her hand with his thumbs, her skin tingling from his touch.

'But I thought after that one night that would be it…' she said carefully. He snorted in pained amusement. How could she have even thought that? He had agonized for days after prom how to approach her…if he even should. He had known that he had feelings for her but his life had been in such a mess he didn't know if it was fair to drag her into it. What had made his mind up was a conversation between Puck and Artie in the locker rooms about how great she had looked at prom that had descended into the kind of comments which had made him want to smack the hell out of both of them. There had been no way he was going to allow any douchebag a chance with her, _no way_.

'You're crazy right, you know that?' he teased gently but she didn't smile.

'You asked me out and after that first date, you kept coming back,' she explained, her gaze distracted as she lost herself in remembrance.

'I knew I was onto a good thing,' he smiled 'I would have been an idiot to let you go,'

'I said I wanted to keep it quiet because I was scared. You'd dated Quinn and Santana…and I was just me. I was terrified the whole time in case one day you woke up and realised it wasn't me that you wanted-'

'Mercy, I never once went after them the way I went after you. I walked away from Quinn and never looked back. One date with you and I knew that I'd coming back again and again…and when I returned from Kentucky I fought long and hard for you. I would have never in a million years done that for Quinn or Santana, you know why?' he asked her, cupping her face with both hands and making her look at him.

'Why,' she whispered, unable to look away.

'Because there was no way I could ever feel the same about them as I do you, 'he pressed a gentle kiss to her lips. 'That summer was incredible…the time I spent with you was the best time I've ever had. And when I left…it broke my heart. You were all I thought about in Kentucky. I kept making grand plans of how I was going to come back for you…it was the only thing that kept me going. You mean the entire world to me. You were the only one who didn't laugh at my dorky jokes or impressions, you went out of your way to make things better for me, and you never once held it against me that I was homeless and couldn't offer you anything. You're kind and loving and smart not to mention gorgeous and sexy and so talented. You shine so brightly no matter where you are that I feel like if I just keep following you everything will be ok. You've always been the brightest star to me,'

'You saw that video…' her voice trailed away as tears spilled down her cheeks, as she thought about how he had just described her and how he must have felt seeing it. Her heart ached for him.

'I saw that video. I tried to tell myself it was the best thing for you…that we should both move on…but I couldn't let the memory of you go. So when Finn and Rachel turned up I jumped at the chance to come back.'

'You had made me feel so special, so loved and when you left I felt so empty and alone…Shane was just there…' she confessed brokenly. 'But no matter how hard I tried I couldn't forget you. I missed you so much and it was so hard. I had to project an image… to Shane, to my family…friends, pretend I was ok. And gradually the fear that I had lived with when we were together faded,'

'And then I came back,' he smiled ruefully.

'Then you came back,' she bit her lip remembering 'and I was scared all over again. Shane had always had my back, had always made me believe I was a star…pushed me to be better than the rest. I felt I owed him even if I didn't love him. So I pushed you away. I used Shane and that is something I'm not proud of. I hurt him…I hurt you…and I didn't think I could ever fix that… You were so angry. I'd never seen you like that…I thought you hated me, 'she finished painfully.

'It takes a lot for me to get that angry…but it was because I was so _hurt_ and helpless to do anything about it. I cornered you and I lashed out and I'm not proud of that…but believe me I never ever hated you…I was just so angry because I loved you so much,' he said stroking her cheek softly.

'I don't blame you for wanting to leave,' she said more tears tracking down her cheeks in the wake of her previous ones.

'I was leaving because it would have killed me to see you with Shane again. Mercedes, I don't know how to get through to you how I feel about you. It's not something that will magically go away. I'm not going suddenly going to wake up and decide that you're not the one I want. You're scared? Well fear is a two way street….don't you think I'm scared shitless that some day when you're the star you're meant to be you'll decide that Sam Evans is not what you really need in your life?'

Mercedes gazed at him stupefied by the fear she saw lurking in his green eyes. He was afraid, she acknowledged. He was afraid that _he _wasn't good enough for _her._ He was afraid that someday she might break his heart and yet he still kept fighting.

'That would never happen…I'd always need you…' she trailed off, the certainty that she felt in her soul that he was the only one for her colouring her words. 'Sam, I went to see Shane because I needed to apologise for what I'd done…because even if he couldn't forgive me at least he would know that I was sorry. I never meant for him to get hurt but I used him anyway…I don't know what Finn saw to make him think we were back together but nothing is further from the truth.'

'He saw you in his arms,' Sam winced as her remembered what Finn had said. Mercedes touched his arm gently, willing him to believe her.

'I was hugging him goodbye. Nothing more.' She told him quietly, her eyes open and honest.

'I believe you. When Finn told me what he saw, I just closed down. I couldn't handle it. I knew I had to get the hell out of here because I didn't think I could let you move on…and I'd made a promise to Shane that if you went back I'd leave you alone,'

'So if I hadn't got here in time, you would've really gone?' her heart clenched viciously at how close she had come to losing him.

'I would have gone,' he confirmed 'I don't know how long I would've lasted away from you,' he confessed biting his lip. Mercedes was quiet for a moment.

'I am so, so scared Sam. I'm scared that I'll love you too much… When I'm with you it's like I lose control…like I Iose grounding and I don't have anything to hold on to,' she admitted, wrapping her arms around her middle.

'Then hold on to me Mercy. Baby, do you think I have any control when it comes to you? I sure as hell don't but that's where trust comes in. I'trust you to keep me grounded and to keep my heart safe. '

'But I didn't, did I? I hurt you Sam,' she said sadly.

'You did,' he acknowledged gently before adding 'but you're also the only one who can fix this Mercy. I'm partly to blame for what happened, I pushed you too hard and too far and I'll always regret that. I get you being scared…but please don't give up on us just because you're afraid. And for the record I don't give a damn how much you love me just so long as you do, though I seriously doubt that you could love me any more than I love you,'

Mercedes looked away from him, gazing out of the window into the darkness and asked the question she had so been afraid of asking.

'What happens if you go? What happens when you have to go back home? How do I deal with that, Sam? I don't think I can, not again.' she shook her head, pain at the thought of him leaving again spearing her heart in two.

Sam kissed her shoulder, sighing deeply. 'Do you think I could deal with it either? I'm not leaving…ever. Where you go, I go,'

'You can't! What about your family? What about college-'he held two fingers up to her mouth brushing against her lips, silencing her.

'I'm going where you go, Mercy. My family will understand…Why do you think my dad let me come? Before I Ieft he told me he knew why I was coming back. With you is the only place that I feel like I'm home anymore. I'll make it work some way…you'll see,'

'What about your dreams?' she protested.

'You are part of those…the most important part. I can go to college anywhere, but if you're not there…' he trailed off adding uncertainly 'unless you don't want me to come with you?'

'It's not that! I just-'she tried to explain that she only wanted what was best for him, that loving him meant that her own happiness came second to his but he cut across her defiantly.

'I love you Mercy. Full stop. I'm not going anywhere period. I know you love me and I sure as hell love you so there is no way I'm leaving.'

'I don't want to hold you back,' she sighed, worried.

Sam kissed her forehead gently. 'Please Mercy, please just let me love you,' he begged.

Mercedes thought about all they had been through. All the doubts, all the fights ,all the tears, all the love. How could she have even thought of being without him? She thought about how hard he had fought against all the odds to come back, how much he loved her and the things he was prepared to sacrifice just to be with her. She raised a hand to cup his face, lovingly tracing the line of his jaw with her thumb.

'I love you, Sammy' and there it was as simple as that. The one truth that had never changed, in all the time since that dance at prom, since he had left, and since he had returned. 'And I'm so, so sorry,' His lips captured hers as the last word left her mouth, kissing her gently, sweetly, reverently almost.

'I love you too…so much, more than I can ever say and you've got nothing, _nothing _to be sorry about,' He pressed his forehead to hers and rubbed his nose against hers, before dropping his face into the crook of her neck breathing in that scent that was uniquely hers and for the first time since he had left Ohio he felt at peace.

Her cell phone sounded breaking into the moment and she reached for it smiling as she saw Kurt's name flash up on the screen.

'Hey, boo' she answered picturing her best friend's face at the end of the line.

'Mercy-me! Did you get there in time?' he asked frantically. She was aware of a commotion at his end of the line as she replied.

'Yes I got here,' she confirmed.

'What? I can't hear you!' Kurt shouted into the phone and she had to hold it way from her ear. She could hear what sounded like Finn and Rachel arguing in the background. Rachel's voice rose to a shriek saying 'This is all your fault Finn!' She heard Kurt hiss venomously 'For God's sake can you two please _shut up!_ I can't hear Mercedes!'

'Kurt, I got here!' she said loudly hearing his sigh of relief.

'Thank you sweet Jesus! If you hadn't I was going to make Finn drive us all down to Kentucky…would've served him right, the silly boy,'

'What is Rachel doing there?' she had to ask.

'Long story….you can't imagine the drama. Once Finn told her what had happened she had to come over to add her two cents worth! So I take it Sam will be back tonight?' Kurt clapped his hands excitedly.

'Yeah I'll be back, Kurt' he answered smiling listening to the conversation his head leaning on Mercedes' neck.

'Great, my dad will be pleased, he and Carol have been so worried! And Mercy?'

'Yes Kurt?'

'Is everything ok?' she knew what he meant. He was asking if they had finally resolved their standoff from Sam's ultimatum.

Mercy risked a glance at Sam who was smiling goofily from ear to ear. She swatted him lightly and replied 'Yes, it's ok,'

'It's more than ok,' he teased, kissing her ear, a delicious shiver running up her spin at the contact.

'Bye boo, I'll catch you tomorrow…and Kurt?'

'Yes Mercy-me?' she heard the smile in his voice as he replied.

'Thank you,' it was a heartfelt statement. 'If it hadn't been for you telling me he was leaving, or for Quinn making me face some harsh truths, I just might have made the biggest mistake of my life,'

'You're very welcome always, you know that…Sam?' the question was hesistant.

'Yes Kurt?'

'I'm sorry for hiding your keys,' Sam shook his head laughing. 'I knew I put them on the table…'

'I love you, Kurt,' she whispered before she ended the call.

'I love you too Mercy-me.' She heard him reply. Sam smiled at her when she disconnected the call.

'You know, if I was the jealous type…' he started slyly.

'If?_ If?_ I've never met anyone more jealous!' she retorted, scoffing at his words. Sam just grinned unapologetically.

'Well, see there's this girl and she's perfect and gorgeous and all kinds of wonderful…I can't _help_ it if I have to go all Tarzan on the dudes that keep diggin' her,' and she burst out laughing as he struck his chest in an awful impression of Tarzan.

'You Tarzan...me Jane…' she grinned back. She had missed this, the way they could relax and be themselves and laugh knowing each knowing that the other appreciated them in spite of or even because of those quirky traits that made them stand out from the crowd.

'Damn straight…I'm never going to give Shane or anyone else another opportunity with you,' he swore. 'I've even wanted to punch Artie and Puck before now…' Mercedes frowned, confused.

'You should hear the things they say about you,' he grumbled, embarrassed.

'_Really?' _she hid a smile at his disgruntled expression. 'Well it doesn't matter what they say…you are the one whose lap I'm sitting on,'

'Damn straight,' he grinned. 'I love you Mercedes Jones,' he finished his grin fading as his face grew serious. Her heart skipped a beat and she ran her fingers through his hair tenderly.

'I love you too Sammy,' she said meaning it with every fibre of her being. He kissed her again and her arms went around his neck as his bottom lip massaged hers and she opened her mouth on a sigh. She loved his kisses, she loved the way he loved her, she especially loved his dorkiness, in fact there wasn't anything she didn't love about him. Their tongues duelled, starting a long, slow, tortuous but thoroughly enthralling dance together. He moaned in the back of his throat and her breath hitched, as she reacted to the kiss and his closeness. Reluctantly he pulled away, shifting her slightly in his lap as he tried to regain control.

'I think I'd better get you home, baby…otherwise we're gonna be doing things in this truck that would get us arrested for indecent behaviour,' he sighed regretfully.

'Sam!' she blushed scandalized, scooting off his lap onto the passenger side. He took in her expression and laughed.

'What? I'm telling it like it is!' He switched the ignition on about to put it into drive when Mercedes suddenly turned towards him.

'Hey my car, I'm not leaving it here,' she frowned fiercely.

'Not this again…' he joked 'I'm taking you home…and then we'll come back for it in the morning,'

'But-'

'No arguments,' he pulled off, his heart light and filled with hope and happiness.

'Yes, sir!' she mocked saluting him.

'Can the sass, will you,' he smiled intertwining his fingers with hers and raising her hand to his lips. Mercedes gave him a smile, full of joy and love as she finally felt the last of the heartbreak and fear she had lived with so long melt away and allowed herself to dream of a future which belonged to her and Sam together.

* * *

><p>Phew...reunion over...but what are they going to do about graduation? And colleges?<p>

**The next chapter will be delayed slightly as I have a promise to fulfil. As a special request from the lovely Vangiefan from Gleeforum the next story will be an m-rated one shot outtake from Shining Light...she has requested sex and rain so ...**


	8. You Are All That I Have

Disclaimer: Not mine as usual, just borrowed them.

A big thank you to all you guys for your alerts and reviews! And a big thank you for those who have also reviewed The Wedding Planner.

Thank you also to my lovely beta rKrispyt!

Song is You Are All That I Have by Snow Patrol

You Are All That I Have-Snow Patrol

Strain this chaos turn it into light  
>I've got to see you one last night<br>Before the lions take their share  
>Leave us in pieces, scattered everywhere<p>

Just give me a chance to hold on  
>Give me a chance to hold on<br>Give me a chance to hold on  
>Just give me something to hold onto<p>

It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
>I have no fear cos you are all that I have<br>It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
>I have no fear cos you are all that I have<p>

You're cinematic razor sharp  
>A welcome arrow through the heart<br>Under your skin feels like home  
>Electric shocks on aching bones<p>

Give me a chance to hold on  
>Give me a chance to hold on<br>Give me a chance to hold on  
>Just give me something to hold onto<p>

It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
>I have no fear cos you are all that I have<br>It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
>I have no fear cos you are all that I have<p>

There is a darkness deep in you  
>A frightening magic I cling to<p>

Give me a chance to hold on  
>Give me a chance to hold on<br>Give me a chance to hold on  
>Just give me something to hold onto<p>

It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
>I have no fear now you are all that I have<br>It's so clear now that you are all that I have  
>I have no fear now you are all that I have<p>

You Are All That I Have

Sam's heart was breaking as he watched Mercedes explain to Mr Schue that her dreams were to follow in the footsteps of her idols Whitney, Mariah and Aretha. Her eyes were glowing as she described what she wanted to do with her life, but he saw the light fade and die in them when she told the assembled glee club just what her father's opinion on the subject was_. Unreasonable and insane_; that's what Dr Jones thought of his baby girl's dreams. Sam knew that her father loved her and only wanted the best for her, but couldn't he _see_ the star that she was, shining so brightly the way Sam saw her?

"The cream always rises to the top, Mercedes," Mr. Schue said rather unhelpfully in Sam's opinion. She didn't need pointless, meaningless, trite phrases designed to soothe her ego. His girl wasn't like that. She wasn't like Rachel needing constant reassurance. She rarely let anyone see how vulnerable she truly was and the fact she was now showing it and to all their friends let Sam know that this was eating away at her, killing her inside, and it hurt him.

"Yeah, well maybe I'm cream in here, Mr. Schue, but what if out there I'm just…skim milk? " she returned and the teacher stayed quiet, shocked. Sam gazed down at his cell phone screen seeing the video he had just shot of her rendition of Disco Inferno playing across the screen. She looked so gorgeous in her red dress, her hair in soft waves framing her face, giving the performance her all. She was a star, dammit, and he was going to do everything he could to show her because when all was said and done, Sam Evans had learned that the only way for him to be truly happy was for her to be.

"Hey Kurt!" Kurt turned around in the lunch queue at the sound of his name and smiled at his best friend's boyfriend.

"Hey Sam! You looking for Mercy-me?" he asked, grinning at the blonde boy. Sam was so smitten with his best friend that any fool could see it from a mile off. To think that just a few short weeks ago Sam had been all set to leave Ohio for Kentucky again, thinking that Mercedes was going back to Shane…he smiled inwardly, secretly of the opinion that it had been his hiding of Sam's keys that had bought Mercy enough time to reach him and stop him from leaving. His smile faded at the somber look on Sam's face. "What is it? What's wrong?"

"I'm worried about Mercedes," Sam sighed, his hand tightening on the strap of his backpack and his other one running through his hair.

"Worried? What do you mean 'worried'? I thought you guys were all sorted out?" Kurt narrowed his eyes at him.

"_We _are. But this whole thing about what she's going to do after graduation is tearing her apart. Her dad thinks that she should go to college and do something _sensible_ and forget about music and singing-"

"That's insane! Everyone knows that Mercy is all about singing – and you, of course,"

"She won't talk to me about it…she's shutting me out and it's breaking me knowing she's hurting but that I can't do anything about it," he ran his fingers through his hair agitatedly.

"She hasn't said anything to me. I mean, we've been busy with the whole Unique thing but she never mentioned it to me. I know she was a bit pissed that Mr Schue rigged the whole disco dance-off but the first I heard about the trouble with her dad was after her performance,"

Sam was now really worried. He knew Mercy had a tendency to bottle things up inside but he'd have bet his Avatar special edition DVD that she would've at least confided in Kurt if not him.

"I don't know how to help her, Kurt," he admitted dejectedly, his heart aching for his love.

"Maybe you should let her work through this on her own," Kurt suggested, wincing at how unhelpful the words sounded coming out of his mouth._ Nice one, Kurt!_

"I can't do that. If I ignore this then she will continue to do it…and I can't deal with that. After all we've been through, why can't she just _see_…" he expelled a breath forcibly in frustration.

"What can't she see?" Kurt prompted.

"That we're a team. That dealing with things together is better than dealing with them alone. That I'm here to stay and I _need_ to be able to help and comfort her."

"Sam, I've known Mercedes a lot longer than you and I can honestly say she's always been this way. You can't change the habit of seventeen years in the course of two weeks – okay, a whole summer," Kurt hastily amended as he saw Sam raise his eyebrow in disagreement. "She's never had someone like you, fighting for her. She can be stubborn but it's the way she is. You just have to be patient."

"I just want her to see herself as I see her – as everyone else sees her. As soon as she opens her mouth and sings…you think I haven't seen the look on Finn's or Puck's or Artie's faces when she's up there giving it her all. It's not just me that thinks she is amazing….they all do too," Sam told him earnestly.

"Mmmm, too bad there's no real way to show her how she looks performing," Kurt mused, shaking his head. He looked at Sam only to find his friend's face transformed from a picture of hopelessness to sheer excitement and joy.

"Shit, Kurt! You're a friggin' genius!" he exclaimed, grabbing the shocked boy in a bear hug and clapping him on the back.

"I am…" Kurt trailed off uncertainly. "Of course I am! But…umm…exactly how am I a genius in this case?"

Sam pulled out his phone in triumph, taking a moment to scroll through it before bringing up the Disco Inferno video to show Kurt.

"That's Mercy-me…does she know you've recorded her?" Kurt had a nasty feeling Mercedes would not have liked knowing she'd been filmed.

"Nope – but I'll tell her…" Sam grinned, eyes twinkling with inspiration, "_after_ I put it on YouTube."

Kurt gasped horrified. "You can't! She'll kill you – and then she'll kill me for letting you! And then she'll revive me to help her dispose of your body, and then she'll kill me all over again!"

"Worry not, Kurt. Sammy-boy has everything under control," Sam patted his shoulder before walking away, whistling, a lot happier than he'd been before he'd talked to Kurt. Mercedes Inferno…oh yes, that had a nice ring to it.

Kurt shook his head, watching the blonde walk away. The jury was in and the verdict read. Sam Evans was definitely, certifiably, undeniably, life-threateningly crazy.

"Cedes, can you come here a second?" Dr Jones called from his study. Mercedes sighed heavily. She knew exactly what it was her father wanted to talk to her about. It was the same subject he had lectured her on every night for the past week. She pushed the door open and stepped into the room to face her father. Dr Jones swung around in his executive swivel chair and eyed his youngest child seriously.

"Yes, Dad?" she asked resignedly.

"Have you decided?" he asked, drumming his fingers on the arm of the chair.

"No." her answer was blunt and unrepentant.

"You have to decide soon. You need to stop this nonsense and seriously plan where you want to be in the future…" he carried on insistently, blatantly disregarding the ill-humoured look his daughter sent him.

"Don't you mean where _you _ want me to be, Dad? " she rolled her eyes at him expressively.

"Mercedes Jones! You need to put these foolish ideas out of your head right now! You would be but one of many trying to get a foot in the music industry's door…with no future, no way forward, no life! No one to believe in you but yourself-" her dad had started to gather steam on what was now one of his most favourite subjects: her future failures.

"Sam believes in me!" she shot back, overriding the rest of what her father had been about to say.

"Sam believes in you? Of course, then everything will be alright!" Sarcasm did not sit well on her father and Mercedes ground her teeth in frustration as he continued "He is not old enough to know any better and, quite frankly, I don't even know what it is you're doing with-"

"Don't! Just don't!" she cried angrily, fists clenching at her sides, her heart starting to pound in her ears.

"Shane had his head screwed on! He was going places, making plans..."Dr Jones intoned, much in the same way a preacher would lecture his flock.

"Yes he was! But I didn't like where he was going and I certainly didn't want to be a part of those plans!" she told him angrily.

"There is nothing wrong with forward planning! It shows maturity and an understanding of the world, Mercedes. You and Sam have no idea about how tough it really is out there," her father said condescendingly.

"I think Sam, more than anyone, knows how tough it is, Dad!" she hated the way her father talked about Sam sometimes, she really did. It seemed that he just could not credit that she was a million times happier with Sam than she'd ever been with Shane.

"Exactly! And where does that leave him?" James Jones narrowed his gaze on his upset daughter. "Your mother won't say it, so I will: nowhere. He will be going nowhere fast." Mercedes began to shake in rage at her father's words, tears of hurt welling in her eyes at the way he dismissed Sam so easily. "He has no money, no future, no hope- "

"Don't talk about him like that! He has me! And he _always _will," Mercedes lashed out, her hand subconsciously going to her heart, pressing against it as if she could stop the awful pain lancing through it. She loved her dad, she really did, but he was fast approaching the point where he would say something she couldn't ever forgive. Not if it was said about Sam, who she adored with every fiber of her being.

"I'm sorry if the truth hurts, "Dr Jones waved his hand laconically, the gesture betraying the fact that he really wasn't sorry in the slightest.

"It's not the truth! You don't know anything about Sam! And what you've said makes it clear to me that you don't know anything about me either. I love Sam, Daddy, _love _him. I never loved Shane _Never_! And I'm sorry if that disappoints you but I can't change that… and even if I could, I wouldn't."

"Understand this, young lady: you will get no support – none – unless you knuckle under and take your future seriously. I am done entertaining your prima donna ideas. Do you hear me? Done!" James Jones had finally reached the end of his rope and patience.

"Yes! I hear you!" Mercedes all but screamed at her father as her mother came striding into the room. "And that's fine! I'll make it on my own. I don't know how, but I know that as long as I have Sam I'll be fine," she pushed past her mother and raced up the stairs taking two at a time towards her room. She burst through her door and threw herself on her bed, sobbing, her heart aching at the words her father had thrown at her. Her cell phone sounded out its tune and she glanced at the caller id. Sam. She couldn't talk to him now, not in the state she was in, so she let it ring off, arms wrapped around her pillow, feeling more alone than she had before.

Downstairs, Patrice Jones fixed her husband with an icy stare and he swallowed convulsively, knowing a storm was about to break over his head.

"What? Someone had to do it!" he tried to excuse himself, wincing as his wife rounded on him.

"You know what James? Yes, her dreams may be hard to achieve but they are what she wants! We've taught her to be independent and march to the beat of her own drum, and now you're trying to control her and mould her to fit in with some ideal you have in your head!"

"They are unreasonable dreams, Patrice. Any fool can see that!"

"You'd better take that back right now! You had better not be calling me a fool!"

"I only meant that-"

"And what's more, when are you going to let up on Sam?" his wife continued her rant.

"Don't get me wrong, I actually quite like him, but he's no Shane-"

"Thank God in Heaven! Hallelujah!" His wife raised her arms dramatically as if giving thanks to God on high.

"_Patrice!"_ her husband was scandalised.

"Yes, I said it, so go ahead and sue me. I couldn't stand him! That moustache! All that talk of cocoa babies…he was damned lucky I didn't get a restraining order out! Now I don't know what notion you've taken up against Sam in that head of yours, but _any fool_ can see he loves our baby girl…and what's more, she loves him," she told him, hands on hips, becoming more and more irate as each second passed.

"They're too young to know what love is," James Jones scoffed dismissively and then shrank back as his wife's eyes grew wide and wild with anger.

"Don't you dare! You know full well we've been together since our senior year of high school! What's so different about Mercy and Sam?"

Dr. Jones was speechless in the face of his wife's wrath. She was normally a very even-tempered woman but when provoked could flay the skin off the unfortunate folk who got in her way with her sharp words.

"I'll tell you what it is: it's because she's chosen the road less travelled! She's chosen to be with someone that makes her truly happy rather than the person who, in your eyes, is more socially acceptable. Well you mark my words, James Jones: that's my baby girl up there, breaking her heart over your colossal stupidity, and I will not allow you to destroy her hopes and dreams or press-gang her into a future she doesn't want. She will have at least one parent who supports her and if you know what's good for you, you'll change that attitude pretty damn quick!" She spun on her heel and was on her way out of the door when her husband's voice stopped her.

"Let me guess," he said timidly, "the guest room?"

"Nothing that comfortable," his wife retorted. "The sofa…and just be damned grateful I don't send you to sleep in the dog kennel."

Sam rounded the corner and tensed as he saw Mercedes at her locker talking with Kurt. Hand in one pocket to hide his nervousness, he continued towards them just as she and Kurt made their way slowly down the corridor, chatting idly.

"Hey Mercedes," he greeted her, smiling slightly. Mercedes took in her boyfriend standing in front of her, the smile that was beginning to spread across her face dying as she saw his serious one. She glanced at Kurt who had made a swift about-face and retreated down the corridor, pausing only to mouth what appeared to be 'good luck' to Sam.

"I know we haven't talked much over the past couple of days, but I have something to show you," Sighing, she followed him, tensing slightly at the stares of her peers when he grabbed her hand tightly in his. She still hadn't gotten used to being stared at like some sort of lab rat or whispered about in the corridors of McKinley. She tried to disentangle her fingers from Sam's, but he wasn't having any of it and his grip tightened further as he strode down the hallways, flashing his 'don't give a shit' patented smile at anybody so foolish as to be looking at them. He led her into an empty classroom and motioned for her to sit down whilst he pushed his laptop towards her. She frowned in confusion as he opened it and mock-glared at him.

"Sam, you'd better not be showing me any dirty movies," she joked, smiling. He merely raised his eyebrow and grinned at her.

"Later," he said in lover-like tones, causing her to laugh delightedly.

"Promises, promises," she replied, teasing, just glad to be with him for a few minutes where she didn't have to worry about what her future held or what her dad would say.

"No, it's not that kind of movie," he said, opening the screen and hitting a key. A YouTube page opened in front of her and she was left speechless for a couple of seconds before she managed to say "That's me…"

Sam lowered his eyes and said sheepishly "Yeah. "

"Wait…did you post this to YouTube without asking?" her tone was Sam's warning that she was annoyed.

"Can you hear yourself? You're amazing and you look stunning," he avoided the question skillfully. She smiled bashfully at his words.

"Four hundred and eighty-five comments? No...I can't look at them," she shook her head, embarrassed. Sam put his hand over hers reassuringly, with the confidence of one who had read all of said comments, and said "No…look. "

She scrolled down the list, eyes widening at the positive comments, blushing as she read one from a criminal in prison who declared his love for her.

"Four hundred and eighty-four of them are positive, one was disappointed because they thought Mercedes Inferno was a car-fail video."

"Why did you do this, Sam? Without asking?" she asked softly, looking into the green eyes she loved so much.

"I wanted you to see yourself as I see you, baby. As other people see you too. You don't know it but when you sing, the entire glee club is entranced. I wanted you to realise how perfect you are and what better way than to have what I see in you validated by complete strangers? They think you're amazing, I think you're amazing, you just need to believe you're amazing."

"My dad doesn't think I'm amazing," she whispered painfully.

"Your mom does though. You know what? I think deep down inside your dad does too. I do, Kurt does, Quinn does, and a whole host of other people do. But I need you to be open with me, Mercy. It's killed me this past week to see you so unsure and hurt and you keeping it all inside," he said, gently moving his hand to tuck an errant strand of hair behind her ear.

"I know I'm not very good at this, Sam. I'm trying…" she tried to explain. How could she expect him to understand? They were so different, it was astounding. She was calm, level-headed for the most part, used to fighting her own battles and keeping her heart locked away and safe; while he was laid-back, granted, until it came to something that was close to his heart and then he was volatile, passionate, brave, and unrelenting. When it came to her, Sam Evans wore his heart on his sleeve like a badge of honour, and he was certainly ready, willing and able to do battle with anyone or anything that would cause her harm.

"I know," he sighed "I know how you think and I know that it's hard for you, but it's hard for me too when all I want to do is love and protect you and you won't let me. You wouldn't tell me what was wrong and I had to hear it in glee club when Mr Schue pushed you to the limit…you should've told _me_ Mercy."

"I didn't want to worry you. I know you miss your family and I know you're worried about the future too. I didn't want to add to that," she confessed quietly.

"It's my right to worry about you, baby. It's part of being in a relationship. You lean on me and I lean on you. We're a team, together. We can deal with anything they throw at us. But not if you won't let me help and comfort you."

Mercedes ducked her head so he wouldn't see the tears that had sprung up in her eyes, but Sam tipped her chin up with his index finger and gently kissed them away.

"Just promise me, Mercy, that next time you will tell me what's bothering you, no matter how small you think it is," he begged, his hands going to cup her face.

"I promise," she told him seriously.

"I love you so much, Mercy, and I believe in you more than you'll ever know. You ain't no skim milk, baby. You're the cream risin' to the top," he smiled at her. Mercedes laughed at his obvious _dorkiness_ but soon stopped as his lips captured hers sweetly. She sighed contentedly against his lips before whispering seductively "About those dirty movies, Romeo…"

"Don't tempt fate, Miz Jones" he bit his lip, smiling, completely besotted.

"Okay…but I kinda thought we could make our own," she said teasingly, getting up and running her fingers through his hair, smiling triumphantly when his eyes closed as he felt her touch.

"Wha-" he began, mouth open in shock.

"My parents are at some charity dinner until at least eleven o'clock." She said, her hand trailing suggestively over his shoulders before patting him smartly on the back and whispering in his ear

"You're it!" he sat stunned for a second as she giggled and raced out of the door. Then he was up and out of his seat in hot pursuit of his girlfriend, calling out behind her, "Mercy! Hey Mercedes! Are you serious…? Mercy! Come back!"


End file.
